Okay, I don't really know where to start. This is my first ever post. Things aren't terrible, but lately I've been thinking things aren't what they're supposed to be, and maybe I'm insane. Maybe I am? Who knows?
I just need to know that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not going crazy.
Basically, been with my P for 5 months, he has been separated for 10 (I had nothing to do with that, nothing like that) and 2 young DS with ex-p. Divorce is nowhere on the horizon, for reasons I'm not fully sure of, but isn't really a massive issue for me, I'm quite patient and respect that things, especially complicated things, take time.
But what is really beginning to do my nut in is this feeling that I'm 2nd best all the time? Is that really immature? Before people start thinking I'm horrible I don't mean 2nd best to his children (I can't wait to meet them and get to be a part of that too), I mean 2nd best to his ex-p. From what I've experienced so far she seems like a right nasty piece of work, using the children to get what she wants/when she wants.
I understand that the children are the most important part of this, and that P needs to see them as much as he can (he really misses them the 5 nights he doesn't have them) but quite often ex-p will throw a tantrum, flip out over nothing and make his life a misery. It's becoming a cliche now - every few weeks or so he gets told he'll never see his children again if he doesn't cave in to her (unreasonable) demands. So he spends 3/4 days an emotional wreck, being told she's moving away, changing phone numbers, he can't even know where they are, until she realises that actually she wants a break from the children and maybe they can spend some time with their dad...
So obviously P's in a bit of a shitty situation - say no to ex-p, piss her off and be told he's not allowed to see his children - or let me down? I know what I'd do too. But how long am I supposed to go along with this for? I've been pretty resepctful and patient so far. But on tuesday we had tickets for a show that I had bought him for his birthday 2 months ago which we couldn't go to because his ex-p had decided he could see their children on tuesday night or not at all. So we didn't go. And I said nothing.
But is what I'm feeling right? Is it ok? Is it ok to be pissed off? To be annoyed that he hadn't arranged having them on monday or wednesday and not be put in that position of being told last minute 'tuesday or nothing'? The situation is complicated even more by the fact his ex-p has 2 other children from her 1st marriage so she has 4 children and 2 ex-p's to arrange days with. They have agreed that they will arrange their days with the children flexibly, so is it any of my business to be bothered that things are last minute? Not really eh? Unless it affects me, then I am allowed to have an opinion aren't I? Aren't I!!?!?
Well, I'm sorry that this hasn't made much sense. I think it's just been nice to write it all down. But please if anyone can tell me that I'm not going crazy that would be appreciated, or even if you have to tell me it's none of my business and I'm being selfish that would be welcome too - got to be cruel to be kind don't you...
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What's the difference between being respectful and being a pushover? *LONG*
10 replies
Heedsgonnabust · 16/09/2011 16:18
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RabbitPie ·
24/09/2011 10:42
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