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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How suspicious would you be?

93 replies

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 08:54

We have been together for 14 years. A few years ago he was caught out texting and he admitted flirting and going for drinks with a girl he worked with and he also has a very flirty personality.

All this was sorted out and we have been pottering about happily for the past few years.

He recently changed offices so he works for the same company but in a new branch and has started acting odd. He is very snappy with me and he did this last time also he has put a pin on his phone and it has gone from been thrown on the side and often forgotton to glued to him, he even took it in the bathroom with him last night.
He used to chat to me a lot when he was on the way to work and this has stopped and he is just acting edgy and odd.
He has a raging cold today and is still taking his phone everywhere with him it has also been put on silent.

I know something odd is going on but I don't want to ask him as he will deny it and I will start to think I'm just been a bit crazy. I want evidence so I can throw the fucker out if I find anything and get on with my life.

OP posts:

Report

ShitBallsNassholes · 16/09/2011 08:56

Trust your instincts, if he is starting to take his phone everywhere, and it's on silent IMO, it doesn't look good....

peasandlove · 16/09/2011 08:57

sounds dodgy to me. All of us who've been cheated on by guys who did this exact same thing will recognise it. Your instincts arent wrong. Find a way to get your hands on that phone and find out what he's hiding.

And I'm sorry :(

LaLaLaLayla · 16/09/2011 08:58

OMG, I would DEMAND to see the phone. If he refuses, then that is an admission of guilt, IMO.

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 08:58

I just have a horrible gut feeling, but I know if I ask him outright he will worm out of it.

OP posts:

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 09:04

There is one girl who works at his old office and she seems very nice but when he left she bought him a piece of jewellery (not expensve but not cheap) and wrote a really soppy seperate card to him.

I pulled him up on this but it resulted in a huge row and I was told I was paranoid and silly.

She has also wrote this on his FB page this week I'm not sire what it means.

A persons true colors will always show within time people maybe fooled for the moment but be patient and see what happens keep the faith

Surely if they were up to anything she wouldn't be so open about writing such twee crap.

OP posts:

LaLaLaLayla · 16/09/2011 09:06

She wrote that on his FB page?

ShitBallsNassholes · 16/09/2011 09:07

I used to have the horrible gut feeling's too Charlie, then I found out it wasn't me going mad, I found out my Ex was trying to meet other women for whatever he could get, and he did exactly the same as yours...phone on silent, taking it to the bathroom, he even used to hide it whilst it was charging.

Peasandlove is right, you recognise the behaviour straight away once you've had the experience.

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 09:08

Yes but I am also on her friends list so surely she wouldn't do that if anything was going on.

She is a really nice girl too I just feel a bit paranoid about everything.

OP posts:

IwanttobeShirleyValentine · 16/09/2011 09:10

It does sound suspicious to me and I would be suspicious.

What does he do with his phone at night when he sleeps? Can you get to it then?

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 09:10

I just don't want to do what I usually do as he seems to get the upper hand and then I look like a paranoid raving loony who is just jealous.

I want to be dignified and I want it to end even if he has just been sending flirty texts, I am over spending my life with someone who shows me no respect. This is why I want evidence.

OP posts:

LaLaLaLayla · 16/09/2011 09:10

If they are having an affair, then maybe she did it to force things out in the open?

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 09:12

He used to bring it upstairs, I tried to find it this morning but couldn't.

OP posts:

ToPeeOrNotToPee · 16/09/2011 09:12

Set your to 3.30am and then get the phone

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 09:12

I really don't think it is her I would be very shocked.

OP posts:

Cheria · 16/09/2011 09:12

Hate to say this but I would be VERY suspicious in your circumstances.

ToPeeOrNotToPee · 16/09/2011 09:13

Alarm*

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 09:13

He has just told me I look miserable. Ha!

OP posts:

LaLaLaLayla · 16/09/2011 09:15

Can't you confront him right now? Say, "hand over your phone or get out". Then you will know for sure.

StickyGhost · 16/09/2011 09:16

Does he get a phone bill or have online billing or anything? Could u hack in? (Even on my PAYG phone I've registered it online and so can see my recent usage on there).

Anniegetyourgun · 16/09/2011 09:17

Maybe the nice ex-colleague is just that, but he's interested in someone else who you don't know about.

Anyway, my gut feeling is that if you're just looking for evidence so you can throw him out, this relationship has pretty much run its course, OW or no OW. If you were keen on spending the rest of your life with him you'd be hoping he wasn't up to anything, not that he was.

CharlieMcGee · 16/09/2011 09:18

I don't want to our toddler is home and full of cold too, he will shout and I want proof and to be able to sort it calmly.

OP posts:

clutteredup · 16/09/2011 09:18

Can you 'lose' your phone or leave it 'uncharged' so you might need to borrow his while you 'pop out to the shops' for five minutes - if you can come up with a reason why you might need to borrow his phone for a bit he'll have to come up with a really good reason not to lend it to you and quite reasonably you can ask him the pin, I borrow DHs phone all the time mine is usually genuinely lost or uncharged

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ShitBallsNassholes · 16/09/2011 09:19

You need to try and get hold of the phone, if you confront him now with no evidence, it will tip him off that you are suspicious, and he will hide things even more, do you know his password for facebook, if he's suddenly changed this too, it's looking even more likely that he's up to something.

follyfoot · 16/09/2011 09:20

Could you tell him your phone is broken, you need to go out and would like to borrow his phone? His reluctance (or otherwise) to let you borrow his will tell you everything you need to know. Make it a sudden thing so he wouldnt have time to text anyone to tell them not to call or to remove any messages on there. There is no earthly reason why a husband with nothing to hide wouldnt just hand over his phone.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/09/2011 09:21

His uncaring behaviour is proof itself that something very amiss is happening here. You don't need hard evidence from his phone.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

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