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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Going to the doctor in 30 mins

38 replies

Fiderer · 16/09/2011 07:30

Sitting here shaking and trying not to cry. I want to be strong for me and for my children.
ExH has never been violent before. Aggressive yes. I have bruises on my arms. The children saw it. Am going to the doctor (as advised by Woman's Aid centre here, am not in UK) and will call the police after.
Just hold my hand for 30 mins please.

OP posts:

Report

SirSugar · 16/09/2011 07:33

Hang on in there, you will be fine. Its the right thing to do to record any injurys. Where is your ExH now?

AnnieLobeseder · 16/09/2011 07:33

Hi Fi, so sorry you're going through this. Where is your H now? Are you safe? What are you going to do after the docs? Have you got someone you can stay with?

Sorry to bombard you with questions, you must be going through hell.

parentfailure · 16/09/2011 07:36

Hi Fi

Here to listen if you want to talk or just to chat if you don't

Fiderer · 16/09/2011 07:40

He's at work. Probably home later or not, at his gf? He's here sometimes, never know when, will be so till we sell the house.
Am staying here with the children and will call the police the next time anything like that happens again. When it happened I was so shocked, dd was shaking and sobbing, ds1 too. Then ds2 came home to find everyone crying. I spent the evening calming them down.
I emailed him that I'm reporting it.
Thank you for the messages. Am angry and sad and everything all at once.

OP posts:

Fiderer · 16/09/2011 07:44

And I don't want to sob all over the doctor. I want to be strong fucked off take no shit woman.
So MN, I have 10 minutes: reinforce my backbone, please. Am tired and a bit dazed.

OP posts:

PhilipJFry · 16/09/2011 07:49

You are doing the right thing: documenting this is a brave and sensible move. Walk in there, deep breaths, try and tell them what happened and say you want to be checked over and have this written down so you can protect yourself in future.

parentfailure · 16/09/2011 07:51

Look. You probably WILL blub in front of the doctor.

That DOES NOT mean that you are not a stay-strong-fucked-off-take-no-shit-woman.

The fact that you are there at all already confirms that.

cleanteeth · 16/09/2011 07:52

You're bound to feel nervous and shaky, doesn't mean you're not a strong woman.

Well done for not falling in to the trap of forgiveness. You've saved yourself and your children from what could be a life of terror. If he can do it once he can do it again.

I applaud your braveness.
Good luck

Fiderer · 16/09/2011 07:53

Thanks. I know it's right. I just don't want to cry. Maybe that's daft, it is serious. Maybe I think he wanted to hurt me and if I cry he will have. Am not thinking straight.
I reckon I need an MN force shield of some sort.

OP posts:

chickydoo · 16/09/2011 08:09

Stand tall, draw your shoulders back...and go forth! what you are doing this morning is standing up for all abused women everywhere. You are a strong woman! Is there someone, a friend maybe you can have a coffee/large brandy with after. If you cry your eyes out, just shows you are human, WOW! strong, brave, decisive, sensitive and caring too, you will be fine.

GypsyMoth · 16/09/2011 08:41

How did it go op?

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 16/09/2011 11:10

Fiderer what kind of support can MN offer you now?

There are plenty of people here who can give advice, suggest reading materials, recount their own similar experiences, or just listen to you and empathise.

Please ask for all the help you need, whether on MN or in RL. It sounds like you are already doing a brilliant job by having contacted your local DV organisation and planning to speak to the police.

You will get through this.

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 11:15

I think the point is she just needs to hear that people are listening before she goes to the doctor.

Be strong now.... you can do this!

Fiderer · 16/09/2011 12:12

Went to the doctor. Sobbed a bit despite 5 mins sitting in the waiting room saying over and over in my head "Don't cry just don't bloody cry". My GP's on holiday so I don't know this one but he was great. He measured the bruises.

(Am thinking of switching to him as with my GP you can also get an appointment on the day but you wait an hour)

Then I called a friend as I didn't think I could call the police without sobbing. Am not usually a sobby person and although I'm fairly fluent in the language here I don't know the legal official police-y stuff. She came, called them and it turns out I either had to press charges or not. There is no way just to report something so it's on file.

So we went to the police station. The officer was blunt and told me I should have called the police when it happened, I know that. I will if there is a next time.
Now I'm a bit shaky but I'm glad I did it.

Thank you for the support.
Is it too early for gin?

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 16/09/2011 12:15

Under the circumstances, no, it's not too early. A bracing slug of gin is pretty much required at times like this.

BelleRomford74 · 16/09/2011 12:17

Stay strong & good luck!! xx

MadameDefarge · 16/09/2011 12:21

Fids, you brave, brave, brave girl. we are all right behind you. will post more in IPOAT>

Hullygully · 16/09/2011 12:31

We'll look after you, gel.

Fiderer · 16/09/2011 12:31

Thank you all
Will some bugger now please offer me gin?

OP posts:

MadameDefarge · 16/09/2011 12:32

there is a flagon awaiting you about the good ship IPOAT.

Hullygully · 16/09/2011 12:33

And Maiden Juice and Oestrogin

winnybella · 16/09/2011 12:35

So you didn't press charges?

Fiderer · 16/09/2011 12:40

Yes I did press charges. It's all or nothing here and there was no way I was leaving it at nothing.
I admit there was a moment when I thought, "It'll make things with him worse" but it was only a moment.
I don't regret it. Whatever happens now.

OP posts:

winnybella · 16/09/2011 12:45

Good on you. What a bastard All the best to you and your DCs.

Bluebelle38 · 16/09/2011 13:02

Well done you! I was in a similar situation with an ex years ago and same scenario - it was either press charges or not. I was too afraid to do it. Looking back I really wish I had.

Have a gin for me. I really admire your strength. :)

Flip

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