Hi There Everyone.
I am currently going into the 3rd year of my relationship with my partner. We have an 8 month old bub. However, we are having all sorts of issues and I am having a tough time deciding what i should do about this.
My partner only has a 'casual' job, working part time hours (at the most). When I first got pregnant we decided that he would start working full-time once bub was born (after he has 2 weeks off to spend some time with us) and i would stay home to look after the baby (at least until 2012). However, it has been 8 months now and he has made no effort to do get another job (and thus, bills are piling up big time!). The only 2 jobs he "applied" for, my friend and I did for him. We even had to do his CV and cover letter as he didn't go to any effort to do these. When I being this up he tells me he really wants to get a job and he'll try (but this never eventuates).
Meanwhile, I am at uni trying to finish my degree so that I can work full-time next year so at least one of us will be able to support our family. I am absolutely stressed and exhausted ( and our bub isn't sleeping very well at all). I feel like i'm putting all the effort into our relationship (and it takes two to tango!), I go to uni, cook, clean, look after bubby and now i'm going to have to start working on the weekends so that we can get some extra money.
I also feel lately that, since he's putting no effort into being a part of this family, that perhaps he no longer wants to be a part of it. For the last week, I have been very upset at him and he has continued to ignore me instead of asking me what is wrong. The only thing he will say is "oh, you're still angry at me are you?" and walk off. We have been sleeping in separate rooms of the house for a week now.
He also lies to me on a daily basis (I wont get into what about) and so my trust in him is severely decreasing.
He has been acting VERY selfish and very mean and I just can't take it any more. I could sort of deal with the fact that he wasn't getting a job and not taking responsibility for our bub and our family but now that he's being horrible and just acting like he doesn't care about me or 'us' it's all becoming too much and making me miserable.
I want to get married and maybe one say expand on our family, and we used to talk about this all the time (we made a very nice "life plan" to stick to when i got pregnant and I somehow thought it would all work out very well). But I don't feel like, since he makes no effort in any other aspects of his life, that he would ever "get around" to even asking me to be his wife.
And all this is so unfair on our child. I don't want this to affect our bub.
So basically, I have thought of two options since this has been an ongoing issue now and I don't see it changing unless something is done.
- I leave to stay at my parents (hopefully temporarily) giving him the time to decide what it is he really wants, if he wants to show me he loves me and support our family. This would include actively seeking a job and basically sorting his shit out (to be frank). Or I suppose perhaps he might decide this isn't what he wants. In which case, we can sort out an arrangement so that we both see bub evenly etc.
- Relationship counseling. Will this help? If he even agrees to it. We need to sort this out in a way that isn't going to take a long period of time. I have been as patient as I can but we literally cannot afford to wait any longer. And I can feel myself starting to resent him, and once you stop loving someone, there is no going back from that. And I would like to make it work.
Any advise or thoughts would be much appreciated.