Please help me understand why I twist things and what I can do to stop it...

[FedUpWithPMT]

Brief bit of background... 40 y/o... Been with DP 4.5 years, have a lovely DD 2.5. I've had health issues relating to the birth that have resulted in me now needing a hysterectomy. I've recently (this week) been prescribed citalopram for depression/anxiety.

Although I've always been insecure/had low self esteem, it wasn't the issue that it's become since I had DD. DP can say the most innocent things to me and sometimes I brush them off, but often I dwell on them (in bed, when I can't sleep) and twist them into something horrendous... I tend to take things to the extreme and don't know why... For example, he'll joke that he likes "older women" because I'm a tiny bit older than him, but I then get it into my head that he's into REALLY old women... I know that makes me sound a really sick and deep down I know it's not true, but I'll start accusing him of it. Most of the time he's really patient with me and reassures me, but sometimes (understandably) he gets pissed off. This is just one example of the many ways I twist things he says...

He's never done or said anything to make me behave this way and I don't know why I do it or how I can stop. I've also started to get horrible flashbacks to when I was raped in my teens and mid-20s and wonder if this is anything to do with it?

[FabbyChic]

Sounds like it could be your depression making you over think things. Give the pills some time to work and see how you get on.

[chris123456]

Check out Stop Thinking - Start Living by Richard Carlson

[MangoMonster]

Have you thought about some counselling, might help you work things out.

[DontCallMeFrothyDragon]

Citalopram wreaked havoc with me during the "settling in" period. I turned into a complete monster, and also had flashbacks. They are pretty problematic meds for the first few weeks. However, give them a ew weeks, and keep discussing with your GP how you feel.

Are you receiving counselling? This may help provide some insight into why you twist things. I suspect it's an attempt to gain control, even if it's only subconsciously.

[peterpan99]

i do this too! i also interpret tone of voice incorrectly, and have trouble remembering good things, and focus on the bad. It can cause problems with me and dp as i constantly misunderstand/overthink things.

[applechutney]

Please, please, please look into counselling, in particular CBT. It's done wonders for me - and I totally relate to the way you're thinking.

There is a happier life out there

[NotTheBlinkingGruffaloAgain]

I do this too I think it's some times if you have no sense of purpose since I started applying for uni and having my own goals it is happening less but I know exactly what you mean I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets into these states.

[FedUpWithPMT]

Thank you for your replies and advice. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one to behave this way.

I will carry on with the citalopram and my HV has offered to put me forward for counselling, so hoping that will help too, although I may have to wait quite a while.

What hasn't helped is the fact I gained a huge amount of weight during my pregnancy and I'm really struggling to lose it. Although DP keeps telling me how much he fancies me, I find it hard to understand how he can. I feel so bad if we're watching TV and an attractive women is on - I can't help but wonder if he's comparing us/fancies her. DP is aware of this and if he's flicking through the channels and a woman in skimpy clothes is on, he'll change channels straight away, rather than wait to see what the programme is about.

I've never had this jealousy issue before I met DP and I can't understand why I do because he's always telling - and showing - me how much he loves me. When I read some of the threads on here, I think how lucky I am to have him, and yet I treat him so badly...