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out of the frying pan into the fire?

(8 Posts)
hariboegg Thu 15-Sep-11 10:18:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Thu 15-Sep-11 11:12:28

You say that NM is abrupt, and that you feel controlled.

Can you develop on this; giving examples of events with NM that you have misgivings about?

Also, when he acts abrupt or controlling, have you told him how it makes you feel? And if so, how has he reacted?

buzzskillington Thu 15-Sep-11 12:15:11

He's in a terrific rush, isn't he? He seems to be trying to speed things along over your doubts and that's worrying.

I think you should back away from this man - if it doesn't feel right, then don't override your instincts and don't get in any deeper. Swim for the shallow end and possibly get out altogether.

ginnycameback Thu 15-Sep-11 12:50:17

TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCTS!!!
They are very rarely wrong

rightchoice Thu 15-Sep-11 22:30:46

Woooh - he has so much old stuff to sort before he rushes into your home. I would recommend he clears the decks first you don't want you and yours to find yourself soaking up his frustrations as well as your own ex's issues. A little space needed for all at the moment I would say... Listen to your silent talk, it will guide you!!

FabbyChic Thu 15-Sep-11 22:38:24

You both need to sort out your old relationships. YOu need to set boundaries with your ex and he his. He needs to get his access sorted to his child before he makes any kind of commitment to you and you need to tell him that.

You both have a lot of sorting out to do.

Keep it light and don't be pressured into moving too fast.

Patienceobtainsallthings Fri 16-Sep-11 13:38:04

Dont ever be scared of being on your own ,always better than being with the wrong man .Enjoy urself ...take ur time and if nm doesnt respect your point of view ,you have your answer ,he's the wrong bloke for you .
Dont let Ex intimidate you ,he has no right ,he needs to learn he is ur Ex ,end of !!!

garlicbutty Fri 16-Sep-11 13:39:04

Haribo, I don't like to piss on a bonfire but I'm going to sad

Your boundaries are full of holes. Your ex keeps pushing his luck, it upsets you and DS takes his confusions out on you - which upsets you. You need to be able to detach emotionally from both STBX's behaviour and DS's.

Your son's acting out and is looking to you for rock-solid guidance on what is acceptable and safe in relationships. When his behaviours hurt your feelings, you lose the objectivity needed to grasp what's happening and do right by him.

When you feel able to watch your ex's antics like watching a play, you'll be better able to block his invasions, insist on respect and stay disengaged from the drama.

If you need help with disengagement and defining your boundaries, see a counsellor. They have tricks tools they can teach you in a few sessions.

If your boundaries weren't so embattled, you would have seen New Man's plot development for what it is: a text-book opening for an abusively controlling relationship.

It's only been four months: what the hell is he doing, moving house to be nearer? You should still be in the respectfully sussing each other out stage. He's practically proposing already, despite knowing the unstable conditions of your ongoing divorce. That shows fuck all consideration for your space and your feelings. And, while moving in like a flock of vultures, he's being "abrupt" with you. So he's pushing your boundaries, too, keeping you a bit on your toes so you know who's boss.

I think you need MUCH more time being single. I'm sure DS would appreciate your full attention. Work on defining the shape of your life, your independence, your real identity smile

The contact cessation is a big red flag imo. Why not ring his ex for a very private talk?

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