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I have tried, really I have

26 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/09/2011 01:30

Ok so DP and I almost split up a few months ago, I mean we were at the point where we weren't talking and hated being in the same room together.

We decided to give things a try and work things out, we started going to relate.

So here we are seemingly back to square one.

He is constantly going on about money, "oh you spent this, i only spent that". What he fails to realise is the money I spend is on the home, shopping or children, I spend £10 a week on a night out. He spends £120 on 2 days out.

Another thing that gripes me is if I go out (which I have cut down to once a week as opposed to the 2-3times i was going out) he has to go out. So for example if I go out on a Friday evening from 9-12 he has to go out on a Sunday from 6am -6pm to recover from looking after the DC who are 13 and 4(on Sunday).
He admitted today he finds being a parent hard work and hard to cope with. To me thats what I am - a parent to 2 wonderful children.

He stood here the other day and told me DS1 was making it up about having aspergers, that he had managed to outwit the dr's he saw. I told him he needed to keep his opinions to himself as it was unhelpful to DS1 accepting his diagnosis - his reply was "DS1's problems are down to you so you are looking for reasons". TBH at this point I just shut off from him and let him carry on ranting as I knew he was spouting crap.

In the last week I have had 5 letters come to my address from debt collectors for debts I didn't know he had. One for £4000+ with goldfish. Today I tried to talk to him about his money issues and said I am not happy about letters coming my home address for him if they are going to be of this nature as we were not living together until recently, and while I didnt have a problem with him using my address as a c/o address previously I am not having debt collectors take from my home items which are not his so he needs to contact all the companies, sort out a payment plan and sort himself out or he needs to move out until he has done as I am not risking my childrens home because of him.

I wish I hadn't said a word as it resulted in a torrent of abuse ending in him telling me again that he was going to move away from london and see the DC when he can fit them in between work and fishing.

Sunday is another issue as it is DS2's 4th birthday and I have made plans for us togo out as a family ending in a pub lunch. He tells me today that h won't be here as he has booked into a match at fishing, I looked at him and said its DS2's birthday don't you think you should be with him? his answer was "He'll have other birthdays"

Also tomorrow DS2 starts nursery and I thought he would be there to take him even if not stay with him, alongside me, but no he needs to go out and buy the things he needs to fish on Thursday in yet another match.

I am all for us both having our hobbies but while he has so much debt - which I previously set up payment plans for and he didn't stick to them, I think he needs to knock his on the head and pay the £120 a week to at least one of the companies.

Anyway he has gone to bed with my finals words being "You have a choice sort yourself out or you need to move out I cannot risk my childrens home because you won't grow up"

I have really tried, I have stopped going out so much and have spent more time trying to be a family, the more I try the less he tries. He expects to live with me and the DC and contribute as little as possible in any way.

One of the things we agreed at relate was that he would come to the appts about DS1. I have had 5 over the holidays and he hasn't been to one, I had one yesterday and he wouldn't come.

I sadly think its time to call it quits, because this is getting me down. Yes I screwed up in the past but I have put 150% into getting things on track and he doesn't reciprocate.

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ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 14/09/2011 06:24

Yup, you tried. More than he deserved (eg. by setting up payment plans for him -- his responsibility, really).

He is a grade A twat. You know he is:

letting his children down over and over
hiding debts, and attributing them to your address
getting verbally abusive
criticising your parenting
criticising your spending when he is the debt-meister

Time to get some legal advice regarding his debts being attributed to your address. Use your next Relate session to discuss the split if you want (Relate will also help couples split and provide a safe forum for discussion about it).