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I need someone to help me see things for what they are please

(5 Posts)
Iamamesswhy Tue 13-Sep-11 23:23:53

I have changed name for obvious reasons.

I have been separated from my DD's dad for the last 4 months (my desicion). Through all this difficult time a very good male friend of mine has been helping me a lot. A few weeks ago it happened in a very natural way I have to say without any planning at least fom my part and his according to him. We ended in bed which in a way was fantastic. However now I am left very confused.

I have explained him that I am not ready for a realtionship and that I cannot give any more at the moment which he says he understand perfectly and he is not expecting anymore. He separated also a few years ago so it has been very helpful to me in the difficult times. I meet him 4.5 years ago and we have always been very good friends and had a really nice relationship and we trusted each other up until we went to bed. He is 20 years older than me and he has also moved recently to the other side of the country. Crazy I know!!!!

Now I am not very sure what I feel. I am missing him a lot, he is a fantstic man, DD loves him to bits, sexwise is perfect, he is very helpful when he has been around, he understand and it is easy to talk to.

The reality is that we live 5 hours away from each other, he won't be moving back here and I won't be moving where he is. Anyway I am not sure I want anything or maybe I do, I don't know.

I am not scare to be alone so I know I am not missing him just because I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life. I just need someone to come and tell me off or give me some advice on how to put myself together. Should I just tell him that I do not want to see him again? But I do want to see him again and now even more. Why? Why has this happen just now? It feels really nice that after being in a relationship with a control freak suddenly someone is treating me with respect and being very nice to me and saying nice things. Is this the reason why I like having him around? Am I being selfish?

Please help me. Thanks in advance

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 13-Sep-11 23:56:07

This is a golden opportunity for you to learn to live in the moment and, at the moment, you are enjoying yourself with a very good male friend of longstanding who you and dd like and who treats you with kindness and respect.

Who knows what the future may hold? You may be destined to be together forever or simply be extremely good fuck buddies until such time as either of you meets someone special closer to home.

One thing's for sure; you don't have to fall overboard and expect a committed relationship just because you've slept with the guy, and having sex with him doesn't mean that you can't trust him.

You've given each other a much needed ego boost and, hopefully, there will be more to come. Enjoy - and let your revised relationship unfold naturally.

HerHissyness Wed 14-Sep-11 00:28:26

Just take your time.

put yourself first, trust your instincts and don't allow yourself to get swept up with emotion. If you feel at any time that you are lost, you are out of control, slow things down.

It could very well be that this is a good relationship, but equally, after only 4m out of relationship, your radar may be off. You do need time to be alone and reflect on where you are, your DC and be sure that this is a safe relationship to be in.

Iamamesswhy Wed 14-Sep-11 12:09:19

Thanks very much for your replies. We do enjoy each others company and we have a fantastic time when we are together.

HerHissyness: my previous relationship was already dead a year ago or maybe even longer and I didn't realise. So even though I have only been recently separated I believe I have been on my own for longer than 4 months. The good thing about my previous relationship is that it really helped me to realise what I do not want in my life alhough I still do not know what I want [confuse]

I guess as Izzi has said I should just enjoy it and see what happens in the future. We have already talked about if someone else comes along just to let the other one know and it will be ok. I only hope I do not hurt him and loose his friendship. That's the last thing I really want, he is a lovely guy.

I have to say that after all the problems with my previous relatioship it is very nice to feel loved again and enjoy sex the way I do again. I never thought that would come again grin

HerHissyness Wed 14-Sep-11 20:48:31

that sounds great! well done! wish you all the best! grin

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