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"ex" grandparents visit

(5 Posts)
plainwhitet Tue 13-Sep-11 19:08:41

I have posted on here before about the situation between my exH and me; he left 18mths ago for an OW; but because our second DD is disabled he can only see her by coming here to our house (he now lives 3 hrs drive away); this he does two weekends in three approx.
My in laws, who in the past were lovely to me and the children, also live about 4 hrs away and we cannot go to them because of DD2. They used to come to stay with us three or four weekends a year.
Since exH left I have spoken to MIL frequently on the phone, sent her photos, bday cards etc etc, normal stuff. Last time they came they stayed at a b and b (sensible) but I knew they had met OW. MIL made some remarks about OW and exH which I found hurtful - I do know blood is thicker than water etc etc but ... unnecessary.
The visit frequency has reduced and I am concerned that the grandparent relationship is not as strong as it was (tho perhaps this happens with teenaged grandchildren?) but, I am reluctant to organise another weekend for them to come to visit us (even in a b and b).
I think the weekend should be fixed for when exH is here with the children, not when I am here. Does this sound reasonable? exH has a very distant relationship with his parents (well, he used to when we were married; possibly he is in touch with them more now, I do not know). Shall I suggest a weekend to MIL telling her I will not be here, or shall I ask exH to organise it? Shall I just forget the whole thing at the moment? MIL has been mentioning coming down ... I do not want to be rude but to be quite honest I do not feel like being all that wonderfully friendly. WWYD? NB OW has NOT been to my house (nor have I met her) so she would not be involved in this weekend.

Flisspaps Tue 13-Sep-11 19:12:17

I don't see the harm in getting them to come when XH is there as they are his parents.

CailinDana Tue 13-Sep-11 20:00:07

There is no way that you need to deal with his parents on his behalf. It is up to your MIL to call your XH and arrange seeing the children through him. I know you're concerned about your children's relationship with their GPs but to be honest I think you've already gone way beyond the call of duty to have had them down already and the fact that they weren't tactful enough to not mention the OW shows they're not really worth the effort. What if they do the same in front of your children, how will they feel?

perfectstorm Tue 13-Sep-11 21:01:11

Have you talked to your MIL about how her comments made you feel? If you always got on well then she may just have been stupidly tactless. If she isn't capable of taking it on board, though, then she is certainly no longer your problem - and teenagers are easily old enough to make their own contact. It isn't as if they are still tweenies.

plainwhitet Wed 14-Sep-11 17:42:46

Thank you fellow mnetters, you feel as I do.

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