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internet dating etiquette??? Sorry probably v insecure pathetic post!!

(14 Posts)
humptydidit Tue 13-Sep-11 16:42:34

Well, I "met" a guy online and following various advice, cut to the chase and arranged to meet up this afternoon for a coffee... Basically to test the water...

So, the "date" went quite well I thought????? But I am totally clueless. Let's say there was no thunderbolt, but he seemed quite nervous and quite shy. We chatted and left it as "catch up soon".

So what happens now? I am itching to say to him does he want to stay in touch or not, but should I wait and see what he says?

Also, just cos there was no thunderbolt of passion, does that mean it's dead in the water?

I am v cautious after coming out of 10 year fairly poisonous relationship but now feeling confident to dip my toenail in the water!

HairyGrotter Tue 13-Sep-11 16:47:05

I'd wait until tomorrow to send an email or text to see if he fancies another coffee or a meal.

Slow burners are good, thunderbolts are good, go with what feels natural at the time.

Fingers crossed for you!

humptydidit Tue 13-Sep-11 16:50:37

thanks hairy

Feel totally lost in all this, my friend text me and asked if I got a snog, but nothing remotely physical happened, it just wasnt' that kind of vibe at the time.

Gah, I need to get some patience!!

HairyGrotter Tue 13-Sep-11 16:51:51

It totally depends on the situation, some go straight for the kill, whilst others build up nicely. Exciting stuff though!

LittleHousebytheRiver Tue 13-Sep-11 16:55:02

I don't think there is a "right way" you just go with what seems ok.

I just met a guy I had been talking to online for 2 months and we were too busy to meet up. Finally had a drink with him, chatted non stop for three hours and am so glad I made time, he is lovely! We were texting almost immediately we got home and chatted online for another two hours and fixed another date for tomorrow. I foresee snogging!

If you want to talk to him then do. He may be too shy to start the conversation and it would be a shame if neither of you did!

humptydidit Tue 13-Sep-11 16:57:33

that's kind of what i thought littlehouse

I think i will text and say thanks for today, had a lovely time and see what happens next?

I got nothing to lose!!

Obviously don't want to be too forward, but no harm in a wee bit of enthusiasm!

lubeybooby Tue 13-Sep-11 17:02:05

What HairyGrotter said I think smile Good luck

LittleHousebytheRiver Wed 14-Sep-11 07:59:25

Any news humpty?

My new admirer has taken all his online profiles down and told his singles group he is unavailable. After one drink with me!

I know I am irresistibly lovely but does that come across a bit too keen?

HairyGrotter Wed 14-Sep-11 09:11:17

Hmm I went on a date with a guy, we had a nice time. He rang me that evening and suggested we take down our profiles, 7 weeks later, we split because he was a manipulative weirdo.

Now, I'm not saying that about yours, and it is flattering, but remember, there is no rush

anjali410 Wed 14-Sep-11 20:53:21

@humpty, u made the first move. Now lets see how he responds. Just chill & invest time in urself. Since you are back in the dating game after 10yrs I wud advice u to take it slow & go on as many dates as u can with different people to build up the confidence. Dont get emotionally attached or hooked on one person for too long. The more u date the more u will know what u 'don't want' in a person. U can narrow down ur choices easily.
Call me old-fashioned but I think the guy should ask a woman out first. People are new but the dating game is always the same.
Try to read some books on it. Here's my suggestions:
Why Men love bitches by Sherry Argov
He's just not that into you
The Game by Neil Strauss

LurcioLovesFrankie Wed 14-Sep-11 21:18:39

First half of Anjali's post is good - take it gently and go with your instincts. But totally disagree with the book suggestions, all awful and misogynistic, in my opinion (and pretty anti-man too - decent men don't play stupid games)! The idea that you'd get a good relationship out of playing some sort of set of elaborate pre-scripted games with each other is nuts if you ask me. Much better to set about getting to know each other honestly and having the mutual respect to be upfront about what you really want out of a relationship.

cecilyparsley Thu 15-Sep-11 01:43:47

With online dating if I liked the person and felt I wanted to see them again I normally send a text along the lines of 'enjoyed chatting with you and would like to meet up again if you still want to'

Most of the time with coffee & chat meetings the he will have at some point asked if I like him and want to see him again..which is kind of awkward if I dont.

If, during the coffee/chat the man gave no indication that he wanted to see me again I probably wouldnt contact him again.

cecilyparsley Thu 15-Sep-11 01:46:41

@littlehouse..I dont think it necessarily seems too keen, he's maybe just being polite and letting you know that he's not wanting to try and have more than one thing going at a time?

humptydidit Thu 15-Sep-11 11:53:15

Hi all

Thanks for your comments.. I sent the text but no news... Glad I did send it cos then at least I know if he doesn't get in touch then he's not interested iyswim!!

I agree with what you are saying, about not just settling for the first offer!

I have met another guy through a mutual friend who seems shy but more openly friendly. We have had a good chat and a laugh on the phone. I hope to meet up with him next week and see what happens!

Watch this space, but don't think will be needing a new hat yet!!!

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