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Where do you start when you want to leave?

(4 Posts)
LidlbyLidl Mon 12-Sep-11 08:56:17

There was a kind of last straw incident this weekend. Not abusive, just total lack of respect for us as a family I think, I really want our marriage to work, but feel like am living in a cliche where no matter how much we talk about what needs to be changed or worked on nothing ever happens. We are stuck in a loop of behaviour patterns. I can see them (so can he when he's being honest and reasonable) but nothing I do or don't do is helping.

What is the starting point for getting advice with the practical elements of splitting from your husband?

I am struggling with the emotional side obviously and would like something concrete to do so I can start to feel a bit stronger and readier to face the possibly inevitable breakup that is coming.

We have 2 preschoolers, joint names on mortgage, He works full time, I work 16 hours a week, with childcare element of tax credits into my bank account. His parents gave us the 10% deposit for house which he's paying back. He also has pretty large student loans he's paying off.

Any advice appreciated. Am at work posting this so apologies if I am slow to return to thread, often don't get time/ a chance.


ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Mon 12-Sep-11 08:59:04

CAB, or solicitor.

vickieastley Mon 12-Sep-11 09:32:02

could you get the house valued so you know if the equity could help with the debts you are tied in to?

CactusRash Mon 12-Sep-11 09:44:40

CAB or this website to know exactely how much tax credit etc.. you are entitled to.

Also go and see a sollicitor to check re appropriate split of the finances. You have both some debts and some assets. The split of both of them will depend largely on how long you have been married etc... but remember there is nothing set in stone. It's all about an agreement between you as much as possible.
Check exactely what debts you have, and what assets (saving accounts, house, cars if they are of any value etc...)
You also need to think if one of you can stay in the house or not and if both can who will.

Have a think about children too and what sort of arrangement you would be happy with and what you think he would be happy with. And childcare arrangement when you are working (Would you be able to keep it up?)

Don't forget about the child maintenance.

TBH looking at the practicalities is very important but I would also ensure you have plenty of support emotionally.

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