Of course I am fully aware that there may be complex reasons why men walk away from their families. However, as I read heartbreaking story after heartbreaking story - I am astonished how men can simply disengage - from women they have loved and more peculiarly, from a child or children they may have produced.
As some of you may know, I am in the same position at the moment. A total shock - a warm loving and responsible man, stressed by work and the responsibility of looking after me through numerous cancer treatments - snaps and walks away. He says it is forever and of course I am powerless to control our destiny together now. His daughter has said that she does not want to know him and he has accepted that.
Today I am a little stronger but I know it never lasts. I have been suicidal and every night I have lovely comforting dreams that we are back together. Then I wake up and I am drowning in grief. Anyone in the HC will understand. The desolation, the betrayal and the sheer breathlessness of what your man has done. There may in some cases be another woman - which must add to the pain. This is not the case for us - his emotions are all gone for anyone. I am a burden to him. His child is a burden. But I do believe he is having a breakdown - that I must leave him alone to miss us, to realise where love is and will make him happy. But it will be his choice.
The solidarity of women and their help, their kindness in the face of horrifying emotional pain, has been the thing that has kept me from going to the station and killing myself. That and the thought of the poor driver seeing my ugly mug splattered on his window.
I am sad that there will always be a Heartbreak Club and that more and more women seem to have joined. Some will mend and some too will regain their trust and the men will come trotting back like hens at dusk. But the fox is life, or another woman, or the freedom of being single. If they are taken by that - then they will not return.
Some days I am, as the poem says, drowning and not waving. But today when I am strong - I send out all my love (yes love) to all of you suffering, crying and maybe holding your children trying to explain why this has happened, what the future holds.
I hurt. I hurt so much that I wish there was another reality, into which I could slip quietly. Or that the earth would fold itself back and envelop me without fuss. But for now I must walk and I must keep as strong as I can muster.
I just wanted to say this, in some way of comfort and I hope, understanding.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
To all members of THE HEARTBREAK CLUB - women affected by men who simply walk away
Punkatheart · 11/09/2011 19:21
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