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Domestic Abuse

(9 Posts)
justpaddling Sun 11-Sep-11 10:37:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether Sun 11-Sep-11 10:41:57

Have a look at this website.

So sorry for your friend.

ImperialBlether Sun 11-Sep-11 10:43:03

I think silence is the worst choice, actually. He needs to make it clear to family and friends exactly what's going on. Why should his partner be able to visit friends and family without people knowing the truth?

LittleHousebytheRiver Sun 11-Sep-11 10:44:03

Respect Men's Advice line

OberonTheHopeful Sun 11-Sep-11 11:01:57

I'm really sorry for your friend sad. I have only ever told a couple of friends and my family don't know (and never will). I left last year and still have a lot of difficulty sometimes coming to terms with what happened. MN has helped.

There are two national helplines, the Mankind Initiative on 01823 334244 (open 10:00-16:00 and 19:00-21:00 on working days) and the Mens Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 (10:00-13:00 and 14:00-17:00 on working days). Of the two I've found the former to be much more useful. The staff on the Mens Advice Line are pleasant enough but honestly not much help, especially with emotional support. I haven't called them in a while but the Mankind helpline used to have a woman working in the day and man in the evenings, depending on who your friend would feel more comfortable talking to. You can also call them yourself for advice on how to help him. They also produce a booklet to download with a section for friends/relatives, but unfortunately I can't find the link (it seems to have disappeared from their website).

You can also try his local authority. Services for men vary a great deal around the country (mine provide virtually nothing) but some are really good. As a minimum they should provide him with help to leave if he chooses and they'll have a support worker who can offer some advice.

justpaddling Sun 11-Sep-11 11:21:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onemorning Sun 11-Sep-11 11:25:55

I'm so sorry for your friend.

HerHissyness Sun 11-Sep-11 11:30:29

If we can be of any help to your friend, please point him in our direction? it might help him to know that our situations are the same, and that abusers work to a script, regardless of gender.

OberonTheHopeful Sun 11-Sep-11 11:32:15

Letting him cry and talk is one of the best things you can do. I imagine that he hasn't told anyone because he feels ashamed and because he feels that no one will believe him. He's very fortunate to have a friend like you smile.

Here's a link to an advice booklet that has a section for friends and family towards the end (it's not the one I had in mind in my previous post but looks OK). Do also call the Mankind helpline next week, they're really good.

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