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Mid life crisis, depression or maybe you are just a selfish pig

(36 Posts)
lovesmybed Sat 10-Sep-11 14:34:12

Hello
I am so angry at myself at the moment. Me and my H split up just before Christmas. He said he had been feeling unhappy, didn't want to be married anymore, had no interest in the children. This is from a man who lived and died for me and the children.

Anyway almost as soon as he left he was texting me constantly, saying he still loved me, he had made a mistake but was in quite a dark place (he has suffered from bereavement depression in the past)
Eventually he started to wear me down and I let him come round for dinner, visits, went to the cinema etc and we were both trying.

Then after a few weeks of this he would go off in his own little shell say he didn't know whether he wanted any of this and send texts saying things like "you and the kids are better of without me, I am going to go out of your lives forever" I would panic, leave work thinking the worst and he would just sit there lapping up the attention. A couple of days later he would be fine again, want to make a go of it and start coming round all the time I like a fool would let him.

In the meantime he has moved into a flat, started smoking, starting wearing a really tight leather jacket, has posters of rock bands on his wall, started going out to clubs with some much younger guys from work. And this is someone who is supposed to be depressed!

Anyway this morning was the last straw, he came round to talk about us getting back together properly and in the middle of me crying and pouring my heart out about how much I loved him and how much he has hurt me he says. Sorry love didn't catch that was watching the rugby!!!
The f**kin rugby.

It was like a light going on in my head. He has put me on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 10 months. Does he love me?, doesn't he? Just suddenly got what an absolute mug I am and what a terrible relationship role model I am being for my teenage daughter. So thats it now, he is out of our lives. Just really hope I can keep up this resolve. Will keep posting when I am feeling weak as I know in a couple of days his constant texts, phone calls, visits and crying will start.

Oh and please don't think I haven't considered if there is another woman involved. To be honest it would make no difference to me in the slightest and is irrelevant. It is the way he has treated me and messed with my head

Help me keep away from him please Mumsnetters.

buzzsorekillington Sat 10-Sep-11 15:07:24

He's put you through a whole lot of crap, and I'm glad you're seeing that you deserve more than you're getting from him.

I think to help you detach, you should stop responding to his calls/texts and only communicate when absolutely necessary about financial/dc matters. Any calls/texts that are about his emotions etc and not about practicalities, change subject/end call or don't reply to. If your dc are teenagers, they can probably handle visits/contact themselves.

lovesmybed Sat 10-Sep-11 15:08:43

Yes keep everything formal. Will do thanks.

buzzsorekillington Sat 10-Sep-11 15:09:03

And the rugby thing was really shit, poor you, can see why it was a last straw. Good luck.

FabbyChic Sat 10-Sep-11 15:10:40

Sounds like a manic depressive or someone with bipolar. He clearly has mood swings. He should be on medication and seek help via counsellor.

He clearly has issues that you can well do without.

TheCrackFox Sat 10-Sep-11 15:13:44

Call a lawyer on Monday and get that ball rolling. He has had his say over your life for the past 10 months so see how he likes it when you start taking control again.

You sound well rid.

lovesmybed Sat 10-Sep-11 15:15:29

I think he has real issues but never does anything to address them. Just feel like I can't be dragged down with it anymore. God I look a state I have lost so much weight I have become gaunt, have massive bags under my eyes from not sleeping. I need to start looking after myself now.

TheCrackFox Sat 10-Sep-11 15:18:21

He has a bad case of self-obsessedtitus.

Yes, look after yourself now. You only get one life.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sat 10-Sep-11 15:33:06

A couple of good nights' sleep will get rid of those those bags, but in the meantime, use concealer and a touch of blusher to counteract the gauntness.

Sort through your wardrobe and put any clothes that swamp you into black bags which you can either store or gift to a charity shop. Make a list of any additonal items you need for the autumn/winter season.

If you haven't been to the hairdresser for a while, make an appointment asap. Give yourself a pampering session; long soak/shower, exfoliate, defuzz, slather body cream all over, and do a manicure and pedicure.

Resolve to put yourself first and make this the year that you begin to come out from under and into your own. You know what you need to do - all you have to do is do it!

lovesmybed Sat 10-Sep-11 15:53:53

awwww thanks izzy thats so nice and positive just what I needed.

DontGoCurly Sat 10-Sep-11 16:32:58

Either MH issues or cocaine. I'd bet my life it's coke. It makes people shallow liars and gives wild mood swings.

heleninahandcart Sat 10-Sep-11 19:52:47

Following up for Izzy said, could I suggest you also go and get fitted for a new bra, one you can wear with almost any outfit. This will also give you a lift - no pun intended. I'm not suggesting for one second that a new item of clothing is going to fix how you feel but you will feel a lot better and may find you have a new slimline figure one you are kitted out.

And remember, take care of yourself and you will slowly emerge a new, free, sorted woman and in a few months he will still be a self obsession, selfish twunt.

lovesmybed Sun 11-Sep-11 18:26:09

Yes thanks feel like I will be the overall winner in this I will be in my warm cosy house this winter, with my kids and he will be in his cold damp bedsit.

AnyFucker Sun 11-Sep-11 18:29:59

I dunno about mental health issues with this bloke but he is certainly a Grade-A fuckwit

let him go to his wonderful new life hmm and start building your own without this dickhead in it

I reckon he has a new lady friend he keeps running back to...and when she blows him out 'cos he is a whiny twat, he comes back to reliable old you

cut off his supply...dump the loser forthwith, and that means stop listening to his fucking stupid problems

lovesmybed Sun 11-Sep-11 18:32:01

Brilliant smile love it

PerAr6ua Sun 11-Sep-11 18:35:19

What AF said. Don't know that he's bipolar - just an uncaring fuckwit that wants his cake...

Keep it formal, partition him . He'll start paying more attention and making more promises as soon as he realises - but just nod, smile, shut the door on him..

lovesmybed Sun 11-Sep-11 18:36:46

I know there must be a better life, better man out there somewhere...

AnyFucker Sun 11-Sep-11 18:37:55

love, I can categorically say, there are fucking loads of better men than this idiotic buffoon out there

tight leather jacket ?

what a tit

lovesmybed Sun 11-Sep-11 18:39:22

Am actually laughing at that for the first time all weekend. Laughing for the first time in months??!!!

AnyFucker Sun 11-Sep-11 18:43:57

tell us some more about the absolute arsehole he is making of himself...

you know everyone is laughing at him, don't you ?

I bet this prize pillock think he's Tom Fucking Cruise in Top Gun doesn't he ?

he is a tit, too

lovesmybed Sun 11-Sep-11 18:46:42

He has blonde streaks. But he has always had blonde streaks, but that with the leather is certainly an interesting combination. He also wears sunglasses all the time

AnyFucker Sun 11-Sep-11 18:47:29

ha ha ha ha

what a bell-end

lovesmybed Sun 11-Sep-11 18:49:36

There is nothing cooler than a forty six year old bottle blonde man in a tight leather, boots and sunglasses. Jon Bon Jovi he certainly aint!!!!

SansaLannister Sun 11-Sep-11 18:55:22

What AF said.

AnyFucker Sun 11-Sep-11 18:55:54

is this him ?

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