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Mid life crisis, depression or maybe you are just a selfish pig

35 replies

lovesmybed · 10/09/2011 14:34

Hello
I am so angry at myself at the moment. Me and my H split up just before Christmas. He said he had been feeling unhappy, didn't want to be married anymore, had no interest in the children. This is from a man who lived and died for me and the children.

Anyway almost as soon as he left he was texting me constantly, saying he still loved me, he had made a mistake but was in quite a dark place (he has suffered from bereavement depression in the past)
Eventually he started to wear me down and I let him come round for dinner, visits, went to the cinema etc and we were both trying.

Then after a few weeks of this he would go off in his own little shell say he didn't know whether he wanted any of this and send texts saying things like "you and the kids are better of without me, I am going to go out of your lives forever" I would panic, leave work thinking the worst and he would just sit there lapping up the attention. A couple of days later he would be fine again, want to make a go of it and start coming round all the time I like a fool would let him.

In the meantime he has moved into a flat, started smoking, starting wearing a really tight leather jacket, has posters of rock bands on his wall, started going out to clubs with some much younger guys from work. And this is someone who is supposed to be depressed!

Anyway this morning was the last straw, he came round to talk about us getting back together properly and in the middle of me crying and pouring my heart out about how much I loved him and how much he has hurt me he says. Sorry love didn't catch that was watching the rugby!!!
The f**kin rugby.

It was like a light going on in my head. He has put me on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 10 months. Does he love me?, doesn't he? Just suddenly got what an absolute mug I am and what a terrible relationship role model I am being for my teenage daughter. So thats it now, he is out of our lives. Just really hope I can keep up this resolve. Will keep posting when I am feeling weak as I know in a couple of days his constant texts, phone calls, visits and crying will start.

Oh and please don't think I haven't considered if there is another woman involved. To be honest it would make no difference to me in the slightest and is irrelevant. It is the way he has treated me and messed with my head

Help me keep away from him please Mumsnetters.

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buzzsorekillington · 10/09/2011 15:07

He's put you through a whole lot of crap, and I'm glad you're seeing that you deserve more than you're getting from him.

I think to help you detach, you should stop responding to his calls/texts and only communicate when absolutely necessary about financial/dc matters. Any calls/texts that are about his emotions etc and not about practicalities, change subject/end call or don't reply to. If your dc are teenagers, they can probably handle visits/contact themselves.