Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

oh God, friend has just asked me for money and i totally lied to him and said no.

(17 Posts)
justhe1 Sat 10-Sep-11 11:21:57

Feel awful, but think i did the right thing.
He is an alcoholic and has just rang to say that he has fallen out with his family, has been thrown out of his house (he part ownes a 500K house in a posh area) wont say why but has asked me to send him some money into an account as his family have now stopped giving him money.

Said i had no money and couldnt do this.

feel awful. Just dont want to get involved. did the right thing didnt i??

LeBOF Sat 10-Sep-11 11:25:00

Of course you did the right thing. Helping him keep drinking isn't very kind to him, is it? He's not going to address his problem until he runs out of options.

alittlebitresignedtoitall Sat 10-Sep-11 11:28:19

You did entirely the right thing. He shouldn't have put you in this position but he's judgement will be imparied by his dependance on alcohol. Try not to feel bad as they are very manipulative. I had an alcoholic in my team so I know the situations they can put you in.

melpomene Sat 10-Sep-11 11:29:31

Agree that you shouldn't give him money. Best way to support him is to encourage him to go to meetings/counselling to deal with the alcohol problem. If he has no money he is likely to be entitled to benefits and you can help him to claim or a CAB will be able to advise.

TrillianAstra Sat 10-Sep-11 11:29:41

Well you didn't need to lie to him, but you are absolutely right to have said no. He needs help, not money.

justhe1 Sat 10-Sep-11 11:30:20

phew, i feel bad becuase the person he was prior to the alcoholism was one of mine & Dh's best friends.
A wonderful, funny kind, sweet gorgeous person.
We miss him terribly.

wheelshavefallenoffthebus Sat 10-Sep-11 11:35:03

Good for you. You are supporting his family's decision to not give him money to piss up the wall.

Imnotaslimjim Sat 10-Sep-11 11:37:33

You absolutely did the right thing. And one day hopefully, you will have that friend back. right now, just support him best you can as it sounds like things are coming to a head for him

justhe1 Sat 10-Sep-11 11:39:12

I dont think that he will come out the other end of this, he will die and it will be soon. I have no doubt at all about that.
sad

GloriaVanderbilt Sat 10-Sep-11 11:40:52

I agree it was the right thing

ds's father asked me for money a while back. He said it was for something for his other child, big guilt trip.

I just said I couldn't afford it and I hope he understood. He said he did.

I think he was deluding himself as well if he thought it was appropriate to ask me for money. He contributes something like a tenner a week to our child and I think he resents it.

We don't see him since he was picked up by the police for the second time, sleeping on a wall one afternoon

GloriaVanderbilt Sat 10-Sep-11 11:42:14

Justhe1, I bet he doesn't. I think that's what 'they' want you to think.

It's not true, the number of times I have thought the same thing only to find he's well and happy and shacked up with someone...pretending there never was a problem at all

It's bollocks. They tend to have massive reserves of survival instinct.

fortyplus Sat 10-Sep-11 11:43:12

Could you cook a casserole for him or something? A friendly warm gift showing support but one he can't misuse

justhe1 Sat 10-Sep-11 11:45:50

fortyplus lovely idea but he is staying with a friend, not sure who that is, or where that is and i find him difficult to talk to these days, he is on a shed load of medications too which make him vacant and spaced out.

Physically he is a wreck, i just know he isnt long for this world. Its nothing he ahs said.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 10-Sep-11 11:46:02

Look at it this way, justhe1 : at least it won't be your money that paid for the drink that kills him.

Perhaps the best thing that can happen is that he is found sacked out in a doorway and taken to hospital; the fright it gives him may just save his life, if anything can.

justhe1 Sat 10-Sep-11 11:47:19

Annie that is so very true. So true. never thought of it that way x

Onemorning Sun 11-Sep-11 13:00:20

You did absolutely the right thing, justthe1.

My BFF was a drug addict, she borrowed thousands of pounds from others to fund her addiction. She never asked me for money, as I was pretty 'tough love' about the whole thing.

She passed away a few years ago (suicide) but I'd missed her for years before that.

What a horrible situation, I hope your friend recovers. x

Iamjustthemilkmachine Sun 11-Sep-11 22:24:01

Absolutely, you've proved to be a good friend by denying the money.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now