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The spark has gone...

(7 Posts)
clairedins Thu 08-Sep-11 21:02:03

Hi there

I just wanted some advice really. My husband and I have been married just over 6 years. We separated 2 years ago in January. We have recently decided to try and make it work again. We haven't moved back in together but are spending weekends together with our 2 sons (7&2). At the end of 2007 my husband had a breakdown and spent 6 months in and out of hospital and was sectioned twice. He was diagnosed with bipolar. This was controlled by medication. He stopped taking the medication a year ago and, touch wood, hasn't had any manic episodes since. In early 2008 during manic phases he gambled £1000's and used prostitutes. I forgave him and we went onto have our second son in 2009. However, we separated in January 2010 but have worked things out amicably, during the last couple of months we have talked about working it out. Despite what has happened he is a great Dad, we have a laugh together and I do trust him, but the spark has gone, I don't find him physically attractive anymore, he has put on 3 stone since we first met, making him 20.7 stone, he's 6'4 almost so can carry it off, almost. He just doesn't seem to bothered about losing it, I've offered to exercise with him, find out about Slimming World etc but he's just doesn't do anything about it.....

I know no relationship is perfect but is it enough to have everything but the spark? I'm 39 and don't feel old enough to just make do with a, 'companion', just yet!! we have the things that a lot of couples don't? can you get the passion back? I just don't know.......

Our sex life went downhill in 2004 after the birth of our first son as I had PND and a third degree tear which took 5 months to heal, and we never really got it back.....

Renaissance227 Fri 09-Sep-11 14:42:52

If there is no spark why are you attempting to get back together?!
Has the spark gone because of his weight gain mainly?

windsorTides Fri 09-Sep-11 14:58:56

Why would you even want to get back together with a man who has such low respect for women that he thinks he can buy them?

Renaissance227 Fri 09-Sep-11 15:01:42

"Thinks he can buy them?" - Am I missing something? Where does the OP say that?!

windsorTides Fri 09-Sep-11 15:02:25

"In early 2008 during manic phases he gambled £1000's and used prostitutes"

Renaissance227 Fri 09-Sep-11 15:37:43

That was part of a manic phase. Hardly someone who thinks he can buy women. Would you also suggest that the gambling means he can take all of the family's money.
It sounds to me like this side of his character is under control now and not the major issue.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 09-Sep-11 21:48:46

Although your sex life went downhill after ds1, you got it back enough to have dc2.

Are you having sex with dh during the weekends you're spending together?

Do you feel that the 'spark' has gone because of his weight gain? Would you fancy him again if he lost weight?

Or could it be that the spark has gone because the stress and worry he has caused you has extinguished it and you're reluctant to relight it because you fear that history will repeat itself?

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