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Run for the hills?

(15 Posts)
newhorizon Thu 08-Sep-11 16:03:04

I was very badly let down by my ex in January of this year and obviously my guard is well and truly up. I have now being seeing someone for about 6 weeks.

He is nice, I like him, we've loads in common, get on great, no shortage of conversation. But there's a but...A couple of things he has done have been totally irresponsible - moneywise. I find him very needy, constantly looking for reassurance. I already have young dd who needs me, I don't need another.

Just one example of how irresponsible he is. He went to the US and brought thousands of dollars in cash, I told him he was only asking for trouble and would he not bring his bank card and withdraw money as needed. There was no talking to him. As far as I was concerned, none of my business really.

Anyway, after a long journey, I'd say well over 14 hours, he decided he needed something to eat/drink. He went out of the hotel with the $3000 cash in his pocket, had his bite to eat/few beers and he then woke up the next day in his hotel room with only $500 left. He thinks his drink was spiked etc etc and he was mugged but he doesn't remember what happened.

Obviously he's absolutely devastated. He is trying to get a flight home. I was the first person he rang when this happened - alarm bells immediately - I would have thought he would have contacted his friends/family first. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be calling him first. Surely he cannot depend on me at this early stage?

Any advice much appreciated. Do you think I should run for the hills or am I being too hard on him?

buzzsorekillington Thu 08-Sep-11 16:06:47

No, not too hard on him - run for the hills!


MangoMonster Thu 08-Sep-11 16:09:25

All sounds a little strange. Wonder if he'll be asking you for money? At the same time, maybe he is just daft? Best to go with your instincts before you fall for him and then have to deal with the consequences.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Thu 08-Sep-11 16:09:44

You say you have a couple of examples. Do you want to give others, other than the one in your OP?

Doesn't sound promising though, in that he is definitely relying on you for total support very early on.

RedBlanket Thu 08-Sep-11 16:09:48

Let me guess, he needs you to send him money?

bran Thu 08-Sep-11 16:11:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alarkaspree Thu 08-Sep-11 16:13:40

Even without this specific episode, I think the 'needy, constantly looking for reassurance' would be enough to put me off. Six weeks into a new relationship it shouldn't be up to you to provide reassurance.

Don't worry about 'being too hard on him'. That's just not a factor. Relationships are supposed to enrich and improve your life, and if this one isn't you don't have to have it. You don't have any responsibility to him.

newhorizon Thu 08-Sep-11 16:15:44

Thanks for your advice OPs. Just what I thought.

RedBlanket - no he hasn't asked me for money and I certainly didn't offer.

IMAMPN - Another example - he's retiring soon and will be short of his salary by two months before his pension kicks in. He owns a house with his ex (currently on the market). He won't have the money for the mortgage for those two months and decided to go off on holidays to the US anyway - it just wreaks to me.

MangoMonster Thu 08-Sep-11 16:18:53

Plus he's obviously old enough to know better. I would definitely run.

ineedabodytransplant Thu 08-Sep-11 16:22:50

if he was 'mugged' why did they leave him with $500?

If I was mugging someone I would take the lot. Not that I would of course, but I can't see a mugger having a conscience.

More likely he spent it...booze/women/gambling etc

MilkandWine Thu 08-Sep-11 16:25:50

Sounds like he has no grasp whatsoever on how to handle his finances OP. Run away now, these are the sort of men who, once you are a committed item, reveal their 25 maxed out credit cards and 20 grand debt.

The constant need for reassurance would really put me off on it's own. I mean, we are all insecure but 6 weeks in we generally manage to keep it to ourselves to show off our good side. If he's like this now what will he be like in 6 months/years?

I think Bran is spot on as well, he's calling you because everybody else he knows has heard the script before and are sick of it. It really isn't the sort of thing you would tell a woman you had just met and wanted to impress. You would be too mortified at your own daftness!

newhorizon Thu 08-Sep-11 16:27:41

Totally agree, there's something very dodgy about the whole episode. Amazing the way he was left with his credit cards, bank cards and $500. He knows I'm pissed off with I think we'll be having a little chat when he gets back.

This time I won't be taking any sh*t from no-one! I must have idiot stamped on my forehead

MilkandWine Thu 08-Sep-11 16:37:13

No Newhorizon, you would only have idiot stamped on your forehead if you weren't questioning his behaviour.

I agree being mugged and having $500 left over sounds totally implauable. Unless of course he was lucky enough to come up against the US of A's most altruistic muggers grin

missmehalia Thu 08-Sep-11 16:38:10

Leg it. He sounds like a big baby. You need someone who's a grownup, particularly if you've already got someone to parent whose need is legitimate.

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