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desperate for advice, confused

(7 Posts)
luckylucky Thu 08-Sep-11 15:14:11

I have been with my partner for over 15 years, we have a 4 year old and another on the way. We have never had a very happy relationship but we loved each other and our relationship always required work. After our first child was born, we were extremely happy for a year or so. Due to a family bereavement and trying for a baby for over a year, our relationship was under a lot of strain. I was tired and he would make comments like "why are you tired?" or "oh, you're tired again" and he kept wanting sex all the time but i wasn't in the mood. It got to the point where he'd keep groping me during the day when i just wanted a cuddle instead. I fell pregnant. Then i met someone new. This person was understanding, loving, caring. I have only known him for a few months but since after the first 2 times we met, we clicked. We have lots in common and our feelings for each other is mutual. When people say you know when you meet the right one, this is how it feels for both of us. My partner knows, as does the rest of our families. Everyone is hurt. I no longer love my partner the way i used to but i still love to be a family with him. My choices now are to leave him and start live as a single mum with the possibility of seeing this new guy or stay with my partner and try and work things out for the kids sake. I'm afraid that deep down i will never be able to forget this new guy and never stop wondering what could have happened. If i had a very happy 15 years with my partner, i would know to stay. But i worry for my kids, i don't want to ruin their lives but i want to be happy also. I need advice. Would like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation and hear the outcome of the choices made. I feel really torn. Right now, me and my kid have moved out of our home temporarily, i need to make a decision soon. People may reckon it's the pregnancy hormones, but i'm not sure.

mh85 Thu 08-Sep-11 15:28:05

Wow that's actually quite a tough one.

TBH I'd break all contact with the new guy, and concentrate on sorting your relationship out. Go and see a councellor together.

If that doesn't work, spend some time on your own after you split. If other man is nice, there's no reason why you can't kick up a relationship with him... but you need to give your relationship ago for your kids sakes.

Good Luck!

NodsSmilesandBacksAway Thu 08-Sep-11 15:31:48

so you have cheated on your partner and your children

waits to see how the wise MNers advise you, based on if it shoe on the other foot it would have been Leave The Bastard by now and read a book smile

HairyGrotter Thu 08-Sep-11 15:34:12

I would personally take time out to myself and my child and unborn child. I would get my head sorted, think what I want etc then make decision later.

There is no rush, take all the time you need as it's a major decision. The welfare of your child/ren is paramount, keep the contact with DP as amicable as possible to ensure a smooth transition for the kids, but seriously, I would take time out for yourself.

luckylucky Thu 08-Sep-11 15:39:10

Hairygrotter- The problem is, our house is my partners. I cant afford to rent or buy by myself and right now i am living in a room at my mothers. I understand that i need time to think but i can't stay there forever. My partner wants me home only if i'm going to give us a go and forget the other guy, it's easier said than done. I have never felt love like this before, it feels different this time. But i want my kid back home where he belongs. I feel really torn.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 09-Sep-11 03:49:20

I have never felt love like this before, it feels different this time

It always does.

Does the other guy come with no baggage or does he have a dp/dw and dc that he's currently living with or has recently separated from?

^We have never had a very happy relationship but we loved each other and our relationship always required work.

Regardless of whether you're going to be hankering after another man, given that you haven't had a very happy relationship with your dp for the past 15 years, I'm at a loss to understand how you can think that you can have 15 happy years with him in the future

AnyFucker Fri 09-Sep-11 07:45:20

You are not happy with your long term partner but he feels safe, is solvent and has his own home. You are happy to cheat on him and make a fool of him, though

How does that make you look ?

Wouldn't it be better to let him go, so that he can find someone who loves him and cherishes him (instead of seeing him as a meal ticket) ?

You can take your chances since you thought the grass is greener

I am sure your kids will be alright, your partner will have to support them financially and you have a roof over your head

Let's see if the "love of your life" steps up

clue: he will probably run a mile. What sort of man takes up with a woman in your position ?

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