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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does your OH allow you free reign over his mobile phone?

94 replies

MutantPubicCrabs · 08/09/2011 15:13

I leave my mobile here, there and everywhere. If it rings/texts and I'm in the other room I ask OH to have a look and see who it is/what they want etc. I have told OH to take my phone when he couldn't find his own and think nothing of going out and leaving my phone at home (with OH).

OH is total opposite. His phone is always firmly in his pocket. He never leaves it lying around. He even takes it into the bathroom with him. If it rings/texts he runs to it to see who it is. Would NEVER suggest that I pick it up and if I ever look like I might, he panics like mad. He will never let me borrow it and any time where I need to he will be "waiting for an important call" or something meaning I can't borrow it. He never leaves in in the house whilst he goes out either.

The other night he was showing me a video on it that he'd taken, I went to hold it and he reluctantly gave it to me but hovered over me itching to take it back. He was supposed to be making a cup of tea so I deliberately held onto it to see if he would go and make the drink - he hovered over me until it got "uncomfortable" and obvious and then made an excuse ("let me see if I can get the video player looking better") he faced it away from me, faffed with it and then gave me it back and went to make a drink. The paranoid person in me is saying he was deleting something when he was faffing.

This isn't normal is it? how "free" are you to play with you OH's phone?

OP posts:

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ExpensivePants · 08/09/2011 15:16

Hmm, I'm a bit like your OH. I don't like anyone using my phone/iPad/laptop. They're very personal to me, don't mind people making calls etc but I get very twitchy if they start looking through photos or apps. I've nothing dodgy on there, it's just mine.

DH on the other hand doesn't give a toss, but I'm a geek and he's a luddite!

Squitten · 08/09/2011 15:21

I'm like you - don't know where the bloody thing is half the time and DH is free to use it if he wants. DH can be very precious about his gadgets though - phone, computer, whatever.

I do, however, have his permission to browse his phone if I want to. I demanded it as a matter of fact after he nearly cheated on me with a woman whose details I found in his phone. This was a LONG time ago and I know he wouldn't do anything now but I like to think his openness with his phone, email, etc is a good sign of his changed ways

mh85 · 08/09/2011 15:22

OK honey.... been here, done that... just got rid of the arse hole now.

Check it. While he's sleeping look at his messages, his internet history, photos, the lot. He's hiding something and he's desperate for you not to find out.

Once you've checked his phone, check his emails, his laptop/pc, his internet history there.

Best yet, steal it and act like he's just lost it. Then when you find something - and I guarantee you will, throw him out 'cos he's never going to change.

Sorry to be so blunt... but I've just been through 5 whole years of this, finding texts all the time.... and men like that are a waste of space!!

Let us know how it goes?

ThatllDoPig · 08/09/2011 15:22

Have you asked him about why he is so protective of it? How would he like it if the situation was reversed? I think most people would feel suspisious and 'kept out' by this kind of behaviour. I know I would.
Saying that my dh as an iphone and I have no idea how to use it. Our ds age 2 has more of a clue. I like phones with buttons.

lifeohlife · 08/09/2011 15:30

mine does.. I know people who've had affairs and exhibit the same behaviour as your dp.. I'd do what mh suggests. has he always been like this though?

NodsSmilesandBacksAway · 08/09/2011 15:33

im not keen on anyone having my phone

OH cant use it and sons would log in to Facebook/Twitter and hurl abuse in my name LOL

mamofK · 08/09/2011 15:36

give a bit of a snoop on the qt - that behaviour is very odd. has he always been like this or is it more recent?

AngryFeet · 08/09/2011 15:39

Hmm that sounds a bit weird. DH and I are happy to browse through each others phones so we don't bother. If DH didn't want me to look at it I would be suspicious and sneak a look but since he doesn't care I have no reason to look.

AlwaysRocking · 08/09/2011 15:41

I don't think it is necessarily suspicious, I don't like people going through my phone, much like I don't like people going through my other stuff (usually my mum trying to tidy!) It's not because there's anything secret, i think it's just part if my control freak tendencies

MangoMonster · 08/09/2011 15:46

Does sound suspicious, but maybe he just has stuff on there that he doesn't think you would approve of rather than he's cheating. My oh is fine about his phone but my brother isn't... Naughty pics and all that.

Thumbwitch · 08/09/2011 15:46

DH is very open with his phone. I am less open with my phone purely because I don't like him being so nosey! In that a message will come in and he will leap for my phone and open the message to see who it's from and what it says. He doesn't distrust me, he's just nosey! So I sometimes make a sarky comment about his nosiness but tbh I'd never stop him from taking it and reading whataever he wants to on it. If he were to find a text message being rude about him (the worst he's likely to find) then it would serve him right.

HOWEVER. in your case, it sounds remarkably like your DH has something to hide and I would really really want to know what it is. Does he sleep with it under his pillow or can you get hold of it when he's sleeping?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 08/09/2011 15:49

We are both open with our phones - DH because he can never remember where he left his and mine because anyone who wishes to brave the midden that is my handbag is welcome to anything they find in there.

I'd be a lot bit if he suddenly started to act weird about it tbh.

Ormirian · 08/09/2011 15:50

Yes. Not that it's very interesting

MutantPubicCrabs · 08/09/2011 15:55

It's not a hi-tech expensive phone so it's not as if he's scared I'll break it or anything (he's done a good enough job of that himself cracking the glass front) so I just don't think there's any excuse. Would love to be in a relationship where both of us felt we could be open and honest all the time.

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/09/2011 15:56

He does seem 'over-protective'. It would make me curious to see why.

upahill · 08/09/2011 15:57

Yes Phone is usually in the kitchen when he's at home.
I answer it sometimes or if a text goes he'll shout for me to get it if I am nearby.
Same otherway round.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2011 15:58

Ours are both left lying around , constantly having to dial up our numbers to see where they are, ditto kids.

buzzsorekillington · 08/09/2011 15:59

Has he always been so secretive/possessive over his phone?

I'd be inclined to be suspicious, as it does seem to be one of the classic telltales of having an affair.

MutantPubicCrabs · 08/09/2011 16:01

What made me notice this most was when I was at my friend's house, her DP's phone rang and he was upstairs. She grabbed it and shouted up "it's Phil, shall I answer it?" and he shouted down "yeah just tell him I'll call him back" - this is alien to me, OH would hit the roof if I answered his phone. A bit later on he received a text and my friend picked up his phone and he shouted down "was that my phone? who is it?" so she shouted back up "text from Sarah about saturday" and he just sighed and shouted back down "great, ok" lol

I long to have this kind of relationship.

OP posts:

pamplemousserose · 08/09/2011 16:14

Where is his phone when he's asleep?

MutantPubicCrabs · 08/09/2011 16:18

To be honest Pample, I don't know. He used to use it as an alarm and have it on the bedside table, then he bought a proper alarm clock and his phone is never to be seen. I did think it was still in his jeans pocket on the bedroom floor but the other night he got up in the middle of the night to get a drink, I took the opportunity and rummaged through his jeans and it wasn't there. So no idea where he keeps it now when he's asleep.

OP posts:

ExpensivePants · 08/09/2011 16:21

OK, having re-read, I'm not that bad. I don't mind DH answering it or reading texts and I do leave it lying around. It's when he starts leafing through it that I get antsy.

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nocake · 08/09/2011 16:22

My ex being possesive of her phone was the first sign that she was having an affair.

Thumbwitch · 08/09/2011 16:22

MPC - I am beginning to get the idea that the phone may only be the tip of the iceberg...

MangoMonster · 08/09/2011 16:23

That's really odd isn't it? Don't most people keep their phone near them in case there's an important phone call. You could try calling it and say it was an accident.

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