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Who IBU? Me or DP (or both of us)?

(10 Posts)

We had a bit of a ding dong last night which I need some help with.
This isn't really very light hearted as DP has said he is unhappy with me and wants to move out (final straw last night).

Last night I was asleep and was in fact dreaming when I was woken by our 3yr old DS crying. I opened my eyes and saw that DP was still awake but couldn't hear DS as he was watching something on his phone with the earphones in his ears,lying in the bed next to me. I asked him to go as he was still awake.
DP goes into DS's room and finds out he is crying as he is wet. (We are in the middle of being dry at night....we had a few dry nights before last night) So, DP shouts for me to come and help him.
This seriously pisses me off for the following reasons- A) I manage to do it on my own (when this thing happens) as if one of us is sleeping it makes sense for only one person to have their sleep disturbed.B) I have been feeling quite rough lately with pain from arthritis in my spine and yesterday I had taken painkillers and gone to sleep early. I also have a just diagnosed B12 deficiency which makes me tired.
I was very grumpy at being asked to get out of bed and then grumpy that he started calling me names about being grumpy. I know, very childish, but I'm half asleep and pissed off. We lay back down in bed together and after a while I put my hand on the back of his neck and asked if we could be friends again. He ignored me.
This morning he also ignored me apart from asking me to meet him after the school run. Sitting at a pavement fucking cafe he then tells me he is not happy and wants to move out.
We obviously have our fair share of issues but who was BU, me for being grumpy about being asked to assist (get clothes, change sheets etc) or him for not doing it on his own?
<sits behind bullet proof screen>

To be scrupulously fair I must add that I also called him useless blush

HairyGrotter Thu 08-Sep-11 12:47:05

I think it just sounds like you're both fed up and unhappy which in turn leads to both of you being a bit daft.

I think the least of your problems is this little spat, it's the fact he wants to leave that would take up pole position in my worries.

Poogles Thu 08-Sep-11 12:48:33

How are things in generally? Seems a bit of an extreme reaction - me & DH have had the same arguments but neither has threatened to move out. Is there something else he is unhappy about?

Yes, thank you HairyGrotter. The fact that he wants to leave is bothering me enormously. I have just asked him to come back from the train station and he has just arrived.

CailinDana Thu 08-Sep-11 12:48:57

Once you're calling each other names the relationship is in a bad way I'm afraid. It sounds like you're both pissed off with each other. Last night's incident is relatively small in the scheme of things and though I see why you were pissed off it seems that the whole thing was blown out of proportion. Are there other things going on between you? Do you find it hard to communicate? As for who was BU I think originally your DP was for calling you when he should have dealt with it himself but that's not really the problem here is it?

Thanks Poogles. Things can be really good but then we get our blips. The problem is I see our rl as mainly good with a few blips, he sees it as mainly shite with a few good bits sad
I feel so insecure atm as only a few days ago he told me he felt nothing for me and wanted to leave. he has since told me he didn't mean it but I'm not so sure anymore. How bad must it be for him to want to walk away from our family?

It is all a terrible mess and I don't want my DCs to witness any strife. We have our fair share of stresses ( who doesn't) but we seem to have come a bit unstuck.

DP wants it to be known that he is also has painkiller issues and he wants to move out unless we can work it out for everyones' sake.
Of course I want a harmonious life too but sometimes I get pissed off by what I consider unreasonable behaviour.

HansieMom Thu 08-Sep-11 22:02:54

Ask him why he couldn't do it himself.

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