Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

When do i tell my children (8 & 10) that their dad is moving out?

3 replies

bobblecat2 · 07/09/2011 18:49

Myself and my husband have decided to separate after 11 years of marriage. It is all reasonably amicable at the moment, we have just decided that our relationship is no longer what either of us want and we need to move on separately. This means that the children have no idea of the upcoming situation as myself and DH never argue and appear to have a 'normal' marriage.
Obviously the split will come as a big shock to the children (!!) but i just don't know whether its better to give them a couple of weeks notice that dad and mum have decided they will be happier living separately, or whether we should wait till DH is set up in his new house so he can take them to see it straight away if they want to know where daddy is going to live. Does anyone have any experience of which way will be easier for the children?

OP posts:

Report

steelchic · 07/09/2011 19:01

Hi
I think I'd rather tell them before he goes and be honest with then from the start. If he gets a place and moves out first they may resent the fact that you have kept things from them.
My situation is I have 2 DC's 11 & 7, My H moved out in Feb (he had rented a house but that was news to me as well) We thought we were protecting the kids by playing things down and they thought we'd get back together. But 7 months on he has bought a place with his GF !!!, she is pregnant. My DC's know nothing of this and as time goes on it's harder to tell them what has went on.
So I say be honest as long as you both appear united in the fact that you both still love them I'm sure they will be ok
Good luck x

Report

buzzsorekillington · 07/09/2011 19:19

I know that the older of my dn was extremely upset when her dad took her to his new home and she realised the split had been planned for some time without her knowing. I think it'd be better to give some warning rather than a fait accompli.

Report

bobblecat2 · 08/09/2011 11:53

Thanks for your advice. buzzsorekillington, I totally get what you say about them resenting that we may have been planning this without them knowing.
Steelchic, He will still be coming and going from the family home for a week or so after we tell them I think.
It is really hard to know what to do for the best. My eldest girl is quite sensitive, but I think she would struggle with the uncertainty of how it will be when he is no longer living with us, and i think maybe the quicker the transition the easier it will be for her to see how things will be in the future. My younger son will probably just take it in his stride. TBH DH goes out to work before they go to school and returns about an hour before bed time so during the week they don't see him much anyway! I know it will be hard whatever we do ....