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Moving closer to his mother and feel all the family will gnag up on me I feel sick....

(5 Posts)
Scruffyhound Wed 07-Sep-11 13:46:18

Its taken me ages to get to write this post. I have moved away from my family (who I miss very much and get homesick) due ot financies being so tight here and my mum has just had a divorce (so were both strapt for cash)I miss her loads and used to live a few doors down from her. I feel the grandsons are missing out on their nanna and my older son misses her to. I moved down 2 hours away to be with my partner (he works for a family firm) and to have our baby together. My older son has been bit by my partners mothers dog twice now and I have said no children are to go around the house ever again (as they will not put it in another room) they say they will but they wont if Im not there. We live 20 mins away and his mum does not like driving she does not work and they are well off. We were offered a deposit for a house to move closer (aoubt 5mins) and they said they would help with childcare. This all sounds really nice and it should be. The question is I dont trust them with my kids and we cant afford full time childcare for both children. My eldest son will have to go to breakfast club and my baby 4 1/2 months will got full time childcare. So we thought one day a week by my partners mum it would only be 5 hours. The thing is she is quite strange about leaving the house and stuff and Im worried she will make out she is staying at the house were in but take my baby to her house where the stupid dog is. I also have in interview tomorrow and my partner cant get the day off so his mum and sister have said they will have baby whilst I got to the interview Im worndering where they will take him? What if they take him to the house and the dog bites him? Im I being stupid? I dont know anymore.
They wanted me to take around my older son and my baby the other day as relatives were visiting and wanted to see my two sons. But I said no as the dog will be there my partners face said it all. He said "ok what do I tell them" is this ever going to be ok? I feel let down for the 2nd time about this issue and I feel really sad about it. I feel Im falling out of love with my partner and feel his mum will always come first. We cant back out now as the house is signed for. My older son has only just got settled into his school and I need to move him again. Its all a bit much can anyone suggets anything I worried and keep feeling down about it. I feel that whatever they all want is whats going to happen and I dont matter. If I ever find out that any of my children have gone around that house with that dog there we are over I have told my partner this he just seems sad about it and says hes always in the middle. But i dont see why I have put him in the middle? Its not my dog that bit someone? Im just trying to protect my kids yet I feel in the wrong? And I dont know why....

rosabelrain Wed 07-Sep-11 16:15:27

hi there
sorry about your situation, sounds really hard. you are not in the wrong at all. it's incomprehensable to even think that your pil's would expect you to let your kids be in a house with a dog thats bitten one of them. some people just dont get how bad/ dangerous their dog's behaviour is, they 'humanise' them and cant see the dog for what it is.
your pil's should really have the dog put down or get it rehomed if it's bitten a child, especially their grand child. that is totally unacceptable. Its terrible that they dont respect your wishes re the dog being kept away from children. my best friend is in practically same situ as you, she has put her foot down and the inlaws are only allowed to be with grandchildren in her house they never go to pil's house now, sad, but if they wont get rid of the dog, then thats the way it has to be.. you have to explain to them your wishes really clearly and make sure that they know how serious you are. your partner should back you up infront of them. if you dont present a united front they wont take ou seriously.
i'm sure someone else will be along soon with better advice.
hope it works out.

If I was you, I would be going home to my mother if she would have me to get myself together and start again.

buzzsorekillington Wed 07-Sep-11 17:09:35

You need to take control - don't move closer and don't have them doing childcare if you don't trust them or their dog. Some things are too important to just roll over for. If your partner won't stand up for you now, he probably never will.

deste Wed 07-Sep-11 21:19:32

It is only 4 and a half months since you gave birth, you are moving house and going for an interview. Lots of things are going on and it is a lot to take in. I'm sure youv'e heard the saying your emotions are playing havock. You are really lucky to have people who will take your children to help you out so dont be afraid to speak to his mother and to tell her yourself that you are afraid the baby will be bitten if the dog is in the same room as him. Tell her you would be delighted to have her babysit but the only thing holding you back is the dog. Ask if she will guarantee that the baby will be kept in the house, I can also see why your partner feels in the middle, his parents are trying to help you and that is what he can see. You sound a bit down and wonder if you could be suffering from PND. I always say that the people who will look after your children best are your own family.

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