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Don't know whether to stay or go.

(8 Posts)
ClareBear86 Wed 07-Sep-11 10:03:54

My partner and I have an eleven-month-old daughter and have been together over two years. Our daughter wasn't planned and there was a lot of tension early on in the pregnancy where he left me for 3 hours telling me to have an abortion. He left me for one of my best friends at the time, then realised what a mistake he had made.
Flash forward to now, I've been off work for 3 weeks with undiagnosed neuro problems. I was given a further 4 weeks yesterday and my partner hit the roof and started shouting about money. His mum said not to worry about it, she would help and I'm trying to get ahold of the council to see if our housing benefit can be increased whilst we're on SSP but these things aren't good enough for him. He started shouting that our daughter was going to have a rubbish upbringing thanks to me and that I needed to go back to work, despite the fact that I'm in constant pain, even on my medication. Everyday I've been off I have looked after our daughter without any help from him.
He also has a tendency to befriend women. I don't care what sex they are, it's the fact that he only maintains friendships with the ones he fancies. He fancies any woman that smiles at him, it's rediculous. The current 'friend' is twenty-one (we're 23 and 25) and every otehr day is having some sort of drama, she's twisted her ankle, her brother is hitting her, she hates her job...and she gets all the sympathy in the world. I'm facing a possible brain tumour and I don't work hard enough...I'm so down, I don't know what to do.
I have nothing and no one, my family are all deceased and my friends are spread across the country. My best friend lives 20 minutes away but she lives at her work, so there's no way we can go there. She's trying her hardest to help and care but I know her hands are tied.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Do you know what I can do?

malinkey Wed 07-Sep-11 10:08:23

He sounds like he's making your life harder and things would be easier without him. It's not like he's helping out by looking after DD.

What positive reasons can you think of for staying? Because I can't see any in your post.

GloriaVanderbilt Wed 07-Sep-11 10:09:09

I'm so sorry but I think you know the answer.

I can't think of one good reason to stay with this person. He clearly has no respect for you and is making your life miserable.

I'm just so sorry you don't have anyone else.

GloriaVanderbilt Wed 07-Sep-11 10:09:41

x posts! Said the same thing.

We're here at least. I know we can't do much but we'll listen

BoisJacques Wed 07-Sep-11 10:16:56

I would leave, honestly honestky honestly. He sounds abusive.

ClareBear86 Wed 07-Sep-11 10:19:38

Thank you for your replies. I think I'll have to go begging to the council. I don't want to lose my daughter, but I don't think I'm well enough to be her sole carer which is the hardest part.
I don't really have any good reasons to stay with him. I love him...but I don't really know why...? He just said to e via text 'it's not all about love, I have other things to think about'.
He works for the family business and yesterday I walked 15 minutes in 60mph winds to do his work for him because he said he didn't want to venture out in the weather. I couldn't bear to see his mum let down, she does so much for us, so I went and did it. I find it really hard watching myself be like this because this was never me. I was always really strong and took care of myself...now I'm just a completely different person!

Petesmum Wed 07-Sep-11 10:25:16

It really does sound as though you'd be happier without him but I can understand your worries about being your daughters sole carer. Is there a Sure Start group near you to offer advice / support / friendship?

ClareBear86 Wed 07-Sep-11 10:38:20

I think so...I don't really know much about local services.
Thank you again for everyone's help...I still don't know what to do, but things will definitely be changing.

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