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Upset by mad homelife

(12 Posts)
FloweryRuna Tue 06-Sep-11 12:03:46

This is really making me down and I don't know how to change things except run away, that I'm constantly thinking of doing.

During the day my "partner" (whatever he is) goes to work full time and I have LO who's starting school next week. She's mostly a good, intelligent and creative girl but she's often changed when her dad is home. She seems to hate me when dad is in the house. She hits me, spits at me, calls me names, tells me to go away, screams angrily at me and tries causing trouble for me. I think she's like this because she knows I don't get on with her dad. If I tell her off, and say "will you stop doing that!" he interferes, moans at me, assumes I'm the one causing trouble and cuddles her, like showing her he's coming to the rescue. When he's gone to work, my LO is another child who loves me. Does this make sense?

So at weekends, which I hate now, partner is at home and LO prefers him and she tries to upset me all the time. I avoid them by leaving the house for long periods so I'm not there. I wonder off to the fields and parks, on my own, I sometimes cry if no one is around, and I wonder to myself why partner and LO hate me.

I don't know how else to descibe this. I don't drive and haven't got any friends. I can describe myself as isolated.

With regards to my partner, I don't think he likes me at all. I don't think he likes my personality or anything. I feel really unattractive. I get nervous when I talk to him as he thinks I'm stupid and he ends up getting cross. He accuses me of causing arguements. He thinks I have a problem and blames a lot of things on me. He can't forgive me for being a weirdo when I had PND a few years ago. Back then I lost touch with reality and felt so paranoid that I phoned the police about him after we argued. He won't forget that and keeps reminding me of it. I don't know what to do. I think I should leave and start again on my own somewhere out of touch with people. I wonder also if I'm a bad person and never noticed it before.

PrimaBallerina Tue 06-Sep-11 12:08:37

Your DD is picking up on the way your partner behaves towards you and is copying when he's around to try to please her daddy.

This is so unhealthy. Please take some action. Is your relationship salvageable? He needs to start showing you love and respect if you are going to stay together as a family.

buzzsorekillington Tue 06-Sep-11 12:53:43

You know, I think you should get out of this relationship, it sounds emotionally abusive. I think you shouldn't leave your dd however. I think out of this poisonous environment where she sees you treated with disrespect you could rebuild your relationship with her. He doesn't sound like a nice man.

cjbartlett Tue 06-Sep-11 12:58:17

Yes you need to finish the relationship
You need to be firm and strict with your dd and tell her it's unacceptable to be so rude

thisishowifeel Tue 06-Sep-11 13:10:24

I can't begin to tell you how damaging this is for your LO.

He is manipulating, isolating and other forms of emotionally abusing both of you. Using a child to do this is so cruel...it is DEFINITELY child abuse.

Please keep posting here as I would say that this is the tip of a massive iceberg. Check some of the resources at the top of the page re: domestic abuse.

I am so, so sorry. This is just awful.

morrisseysquornmince Tue 06-Sep-11 13:44:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloweryRuna Tue 06-Sep-11 17:03:57

Thankyou for all kind replies. Yes I think that you're right. I did wonder if I was being picked on. LO doesn't understand. I'll have a look at the domestic abuse link at the top someone mentioned.

Can I just say it's nice to have somewhere to go to and talk even though it's on a computer and I can't see anyone.

ellerman Tue 06-Sep-11 17:23:47

This made me feel so sad for you. Please think about finding some support and help either via your doctor, former health visitor, or a local minister or counselling service. Don't let his actions spoil the important long term relationship with your daughter. Perhaps family mediation would help even if you went alone. A third party will help you realise what steps you need to take. best wishes.

GypsyMoth Tue 06-Sep-11 17:42:40

I feel sad for you too. And for the whole situation. Hope you can get some support from somewhere

neuroticmumof3 Tue 06-Sep-11 20:38:30

You are definitely experiencing emotional abuse. He is also undermining your parenting. The whole situation sounds heartbreaking for you. I would recommend you contact Women's Aid. Do you have any family you could stay with if you left him? Once she had settled down I'm sure you'd find LO's behaviour with you would improve without his negative influence.

bigbuttons Tue 06-Sep-11 20:41:20

Flowery, this man is an abusive shit, he's ruining your life and ,messing with your DD. Please come and join us over at the emotionally abusive relationships thread.

bigbuttons Tue 06-Sep-11 20:44:09

here

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