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decided i am not dating till i know what i'm doing

(9 Posts)
saladsandwich Mon 05-Sep-11 22:12:40

i really need some advice, i have zero experience of dating i met my ex at 16 we split up 18months ago and i havent really been interested until recently.

on facebook i have just attracted stalkers and freaks, there was one lad who seemed interested but blew cold then messaged me tonight saying he was talking to someone before he got chatting to me and he felt it was wrong to talk to me bad timing ect ect. (i think he just felt bad for ignoring me tbh) but i think he is generally a nice lad.

so basically just not sure what to do, fb seems the easiest way to meet people but i have had to block 3 people due to them literally stalking me, tey knew what i was talking to other people about then bringing it up all jealous, there was one that was down right rude.

i dont understand why i'm attracting these type? the stalking type oh and the married men, they seem to enjoy inboxing me too, not interested in them... its so hard, my profile pic is of me and my small one so not provocative, they are all mutual friends of other people so i can dig a little if i need to.

really struggling though with it all and because im so new to it all im worried i'll scare any decent ones off, feel very lost in it all, my mates just keep saying be you be you and someone will come along but im 26 and i dont get many opportunities to meet people men particularly... anybody got any tips at all need all the help i can get grin

buzzsorekillington Mon 05-Sep-11 22:32:46

26 is young. Time is on your side.

MilkandWine Mon 05-Sep-11 23:03:28

As Buzzsore very rightly says 26 is really young, you have loads of time to meet someone.

I really don't think FB is the way to do it though if I'm honest. You would be much better off getting out and meeting men in the 'real' world. Do you and your friends not go on nights out? At 26 that is really the way you should be talking to men, not through FB. Hell that's how I meet guys and I'm 32! grin

The be yourself thing is a cliche but it's true, you really can't force these things and men usually come along when you stop looking for them for some odd reason.

saladsandwich Tue 06-Sep-11 06:41:10

i really ddont get out much if im honest, maybe 3 times a year, no one will watch ds for me sad

going out on friday but expecting to be rung up to go home early already sad

HairyGrotter Tue 06-Sep-11 07:52:49

26 is still young!!!

How I look at it is...I have a 3 yo DD, who is wonderful, I have no urgent desire to have a partner because the only thing that would drive me to that wanton desire would be to have children...now, I have a child already whom I am a lone parent to, I am in a great position.

I have been dating since May, currently seeing a lovely guy but I'm in no rush to make plans because my life is kosher right now.

Look to what you DO have, not what you DON'T have. You'll meet someone, being alone has major benefits, more so than the cons of it. Find yourself, treat yourself then when you're ready, go have some fun

saladsandwich Tue 06-Sep-11 21:50:20

i know im still young but at the moment i just dont get out at all really, i have to beg for a babysitter which hurts tbh it's like no one wants ds because he isn't an easy child, thats another thing i have to consider when dating, someone whose willing to take on my life iykwim.

think i'll stay single a while longer, just miss having some affection in my life

FabbyChic Tue 06-Sep-11 22:06:36

Why are you doing this via FB? If you are serious join a paying dating site.

MilkandWine Tue 06-Sep-11 22:20:03

It's a cliché but until you are happy on your own you will always be vulnerable to manipulative fuckwits whilst looking for a relationship. It is natural to want affection but just try and remember you will not be alone forever, somebody WILL come along when the time is right.

Could you afford to pay a child minder to babysit? even if it's just once every couple of months? Meeting men aside, making no time for socialising isn't healthy and will make you vulnerable to depression etc.

Also as Fabby says, a dating site would be much better than FB if you are looking to meet someone.

buzzsorekillington Tue 06-Sep-11 22:22:26

Can't you find a paid babysitter? It'd be worth it to get out and about.

Also, when starting dating I don't think you should be focussing on the end game, ie. settling down with someone and him having to 'take on your life', but instead focus on having some fun. Think about going out for dinner, going to the cinema, dancing, parties, rambling, whatever floats your boat. You met your ex at 16, so you've been in a relationship most of your adult life. While it might be nice in some ways to be in a ltr again, don't be in such a hurry to start washing someone's socks again. You can have the laughs & affection without having to get serious. Plus with a child, you need to think very carefully before bringing someone into their life. So fun should be your first goal, imo.

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