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Feel really, really sh*tty!

(8 Posts)
littlepiglet Mon 05-Sep-11 18:39:40

I posted on AIBU last week, but things are worse than ever.

Basically I'm 29 weeks pregnant, and my DH hasn't seemed very horny lately. He comes to bed after 1am (when I'm out for the count), and does stroke my back at times, which wakes me, but I'm so shattered (being anaemic & having another baby to look after), so I don't really respond - and on the AIBU thread some posters insinutated that I was being unreasonable for rejecting him!!! When ffs most people aren't in the mood after going to bed (dropping hints to DH that he should come too), then cry oneself to sleep, then be woken (with NO guarantee he wanted a shag anyway).

To be honest sex isn't the issue as such. I want to be wanted, I guess that's sad and ridiculous, but I want him to want me as a lover, not just the other parent, who sometimes is good to get off with.

He also sometimes has the satellite on, and in a sleepy haze I look up to find porn on. When I've suggested coming to bed with me, he has to have a fag & go outside on his laptop - suggesting to me that he needs to look at something arousing, as clearly that's not me.

Anyway, I sent him an email saying that I felt as though I may sleep with someone else if someone wanted me. It worked in that he came upstairs and made me lie back whilst he played with me - and to my shame it was atrocious. I just couldn't come, I begged him to stop (and I've NEVER had that problem before in my life! I guess I felt as though it wasn't sincere, that he didn't want to, but just felt obliged to - and I don't want obligations.

Today he yet again failed to reach for my hand in the car (something he did until recently), didn't kiss me when he dropped me at hospital... nothing, no affection whatsoever!

We went out, and I never walk with him, as he seems to not want to be with me... he really ogles other women. I know that most men do, but no other man I've ever been with, has done it obviously... with him it's so open! And he mentioned a singer on tv & how old she now looks, and how he wouldn't fancy her now she looks older - and I'm 40 FFS! The woman looks my age.

I can't help but think that he's with me until something better comes along.

He's kept every text message & email where I've been in a mood, or after an argument - what for I have no idea.

To top it all my son's GF is pregnant, and that makes me feel even older, and I know that DH will want someone younger when he finds out.

I'm so damned depressed right now

buzzsorekillington Mon 05-Sep-11 18:45:55

He's a pig.

It's not you, it's him.

buzzsorekillington Mon 05-Sep-11 18:53:16

I kind of suspect he's tearing you down deliberately so you feel grateful to have him: ie. the obvious ogling of other women, the slagging off of women your age.

The keeping of the upset/angry texts - it seems to me that's like gathering evidence against you - to justify what behaviour of his exactly? It's not normal.

littlepiglet Mon 05-Sep-11 19:22:07

I guessed he was gathering evidence - I can't believe he's kept them all!

The other concerning things are; on facebook he used to have us as his profile photo. That changed to an anonymous avatar.

It never bothered me as such, until I logged in on my phone (as opposed laptop). For some reason facebook displays differently on the phone, and I can see profiles of people, who've I've sent friend requests, but have not yet accepted. On the phone his profile is different. He has no information that he is married (it used to be displayed on the phone too), and his photo albums are not viewable... it is not a glitch, as no one else has this restricted content, only on the phone.

I did confront him over this. After lots of denial, he said that he didn't want other people knowing our business... that he doesn't want his personal photos viewed by his friends etc... still doesn't explain why they're visible on my laptop. Or why he was happy to share these photos, until recently... so it's like he's suddenly not proud of us anymore.

Renaissance227 Tue 06-Sep-11 15:26:17

He sounds like a total pig. Not sure what to suggest but hopefully this will bump your post back to the top, so someone can offer a helpful comment.
Keep your chin up.

mumsamilitant Tue 06-Sep-11 16:01:40

What a horrible situation.

Certainly sounds like he's got cold feet or is up to something to be honest. How long have you been together?

HerHissyness Tue 06-Sep-11 17:09:48

Gathering evidence of WHAT? that HE pisses you off? hmm

My X used to do this too. I told him to get ME a pen and paper and sit back and WAIT for me to finish my BOOK about him and HIS faults/cruelties etc!

This man is a pig. He is destroying you, you deserve better than this.

GeekLove Tue 06-Sep-11 21:05:38

I am sorry that is happenig to you what with the pregnancy and everything else. It does seem like he is trying to make excuses to leave so it collecting evidence to justify this. He is also trying to detach and thus absolve himself of any responsibility for his actions.
I know that this is something you don't want to hear andI may be wrong but I'm prepared to bet money there is an OW somewhere. Some of his behaviour like the porn and the increasing secrecy seem to point this way.

Either way it's not you it's him. What you need to do is focus on yourself, the DCs and your forthcoming baby. Be nice to yourself.
I'm not sure what to do about confronting him with tue evidence -if hens planning on leaving/OW then don't expect him to tell the truth.
There are plenty of posters who will give you excellent advice here.0

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