Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Husband testing my last nerve

(9 Posts)
lolaflores Mon 05-Sep-11 14:55:37

DH and I married for 5 years, togther 11 or there about. He will not listen to me. We are in the process of doing a few sizable jobs in the garden. Every single suggestion I make is dismissed. Not one or two, every fucking syllaable out of my fuckiing mouth is swept aside. Initial suggestion, write a list...no. So ended up 3 trips to DIY. 5 times yesterday he had to come back and say "you were right about (insert anythhing you like here). He agreed to wear work boots after impaling himself on an iron rod, and so on. But this is everything. Out today, I suggest we buy all the stuff we need to do the job rather than come back. NO.

I am swallowing tears writing this. I feel mentally retarded. I am stay home mum. Happily gave up career for this, to simply be thrown into less than human category without me noticing. I have to remind him that I have no real power, if a job i was doing made the whole family move, it wouldn't happen.
I am too upset to go on

Katisha Mon 05-Sep-11 14:59:13

Can you go back to work? YOu need to get yourself back.

VelvetSnow Mon 05-Sep-11 15:02:13

go on strike so to speak, get him to notice you.

You are a person and have valid opinions.

InTheArmyNow Mon 05-Sep-11 15:29:11

Was it like this before you were a SAHM?

I think that sometimes becoming a SAHM changes to balance in a reltionship and some men then slip into a place where they think ther are always right and their wife don't know anything.
I agree you need to redress the balance. Going back to work is one way. As is 'going on strike' or leaving him on his own handling children and house work.

Have you talk about it before and explain how it makes you feel? Have you pointed out his behavior and if yes how did he react?

lolaflores Mon 05-Sep-11 15:43:44

He gets defensive and all hurt about it. It wasn't like this before work. When we met I was a single mum, two jobs and doing a full time degree. Then when i went to work, I did my job well and enjoyed it. He understands how much I gave up and he feels guilty enough to cry about it. I am just doing some passive aggressive nods and shrugs which is winding him up. So in a way an outcome. It is a constant sparking point in this house. Much of it arising from my own resentment. I have to go back to work. Simple as. Smallest starting school next week, so out with the job section I think

garlicnutter Mon 05-Sep-11 15:53:08

5 times yesterday he had to come back and say "you were right about (insert anything you like here)"

So he does hear you. He's overriding your suggestions out of arrogance / pride / rebellion / etc. Most frustrating, no wonder you're upset!

Well done on the job decision; you do need to get yourself back smile
I also think you're doing the right thing with your "passive" humming. Also, have you tried the old-fashioned "Brilliant idea he's about to have by himself" trick?

Need I point out that, after having the brilliant idea of writing a list, then not making said list, thus being short of materials ... HE needs to go source the missing parts??

Sorr to hear about the iron rod. Sounds nasty.

InTheArmyNow Mon 05-Sep-11 15:57:21

garlic I think you have a point there. He is acting like a child 'I am not going to listen to you there', then messes up. He should bear the weight of his mistakes. Let him get on with it the way he wants to, making mistakes along the lines and having to suffer the consequences. That's how children learn no? wink

lolaflores Mon 05-Sep-11 16:03:25

which is girls for why I am in the kitchen, watching him in the pissing rain. I feel so much better for talking. Thanks so much. And, a bottle of wine for mummy a bit later as Daddy picks all the bramble thorns out of his hands. Oh dear

mynewpassion Tue 06-Sep-11 04:15:14

You give him advice, he doesn't take it. Let him mess up.

You don't even have to say "I told you so." He does it for you. So it will take twice as long to finish the projects.

I wouldn't even bother with advice anymore. When he calls you for help or hand him tools, just do that and the rest of time, stay inside, relax, have some tea, watch him mess up, and giggle at him.

That's what my mom always did when my father didn't listen to her.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now