Thinking about leaving DH

[Sillyshell]

Hi

I've been with DH about 5 and a half years, we've been married just over a year and I think I've had enough.

He's always been quite moody, seems to think the whole world has got it in for him everytime something goes wrong. Gets very aggressive when things do go wrong, doesnt hit me or anything like that but gets very angry with me and the world in general.

He cant seem to let anything go, if I make a mistake or do something to upset him he will go on and on about it. Even if I apologise, he wont let stuff drop until he's made he's point and we're both upset.

I find myself tiptoeing round him and doing things just so he wont get upset or angry with me. If someone else upsets him, say another driver cuts him up, I find myself in a panic because I know he's going to start shouting etc.

I can feel myself getting quieter and quieter around him because I dont want upset him or I dont want him to tell me I'm wrong about something.

I'm not sure what I'm asking really, but just wanted to write down how I'm feeling.

Thanks

[Proudnscary]

What a horrible way to live, I'm so sorry. Many wise posters will advise you that this is most definitely abuse - and the road rage in itself is a red flag...
Just wanted to send you my support really

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Hi Sillyshell

Yes, plenty of well-known red flags for verbal and emotional abuse in your post, the kind that the ladies on this thread know all too well: rages directed at you, road rage, your walking on eggshells... You're not alone in feeling the way you do.

I recommend reading this book, and this web page and seeing if you recognise you and your DH in them. Plenty of other resources listed at the start of the EA thread, too, as well as a collection of supportive posters to vent with and get advice from.

[buzzsorekillington]

What proud and itsme said.

[Sillyshell]

Hi

Thanks for your replys. I know the way he acts isnt right and I need to do some serious thinking about our marriage. I'm not a quiet little mouse, I'm a happy, chatty, strong person and I know our relationship isnt good because I'm becoming something I'm not just to keep him happy and feel like he's sucking my personality out of me.

Will have a look at the book etc, thank you.

[Mouseface]

Hey Shell

Have you eve discussed this with him? The way that his anger makes you feel? It's horrible living like that, the fear of the unknown, how far will he go before he does actually snap and hit you.

As Itsme said, the support threads on here will help you to let it all out.

You need to break down his actions. What triggers him? If you row, what does he shout about? Do you have DCs?

I'm so sorry you are living like this. x

[Sillyshell]

We dont have any DC's although we are trying for one. I have spoken to him before about how he acts and how it makes me feel. He does accept that he has issues but says' things like " well if I think your doing something wrong, I'm going to tell you" and " let me be a man and put my foot down" which doesnt really help the situation.

I'm just getting to the point where I'm fed up with he always being in a bad mood and nothing ever being good enough for him.

[lubeybooby]

Get yourself on the pill and get out of there. You deserve much much more.

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

Oh god, you could be me 18 months ago. PLEASE don't get pregnant until you are completely positive that you are treated with nothing but respect in your relationship.

Back then I ignored MNers telling me to get back on the pill, because I so wanted a baby that I normalised my stbxh's behaviour.

Please. You don't want to go there.

[buzzsorekillington]

Being a man isn't about shouting his partner down and being nasty, 'tho. He seems to see you as less than him, not as a respected equal.

You really need to stop ttc with him - abusive men tend to get worse during pregnancy. Becoming a father won't transform him into a non-shouting, non-aggressive man - the stresses of tiredness etc and not being the sole focus of your attention may instead exacerbate things.

[Mouseface]

Good point re the TTC buzz

[Portofino]

God no - get out now before there is poor defenceless child involved. Most blokes aren't like this, you know. They don't yell at and criticise the woman they love. Well maybe once in a while. But the treading on eggshells think is a HUGE red flag. You shouldn't have to live your life like this.

[Portofino]

I should add - maybe once in a while - but for totally rational reasons - and the woman would feel free to do the same back.....

[ImperialBlether]

Run like the wind! OP, you REALLY don't want a baby with this man. You don't like living with him yourself so how could you make a baby live with him?

Get on the pill, tell him you are leaving (but make sure you're in a safe situation when you do) and start a new life without him. You'll be so much happier.

[neuroticmumof3]

Whatever else you do, don't have a baby with this man. You'll be stuck with him in your life for at least 18 years if you do. He will get worse and more controlling once you're pregnant. Sadly a lot of physical abuse starts during pregnancy. There's no point trying to discuss his behaviour with him. He doesn't do negotiation or compromise. He does things his way and if they don't go his way he erupts by the sound of it. Start planning to get away from him.

[Sillyshell]

Thank you all for listening and your advice. I need to do some serious thinking about my marriage and the rest of my life.

Thank you for your support