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Your practical tips on how to reset boundaries with dysfunctional parents?

(2 Posts)
ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Mon 05-Sep-11 09:33:43

There have been a number of threads recently on difficult mothers, where some posters who have managed to forge new relationships with their own difficult parents are advocating emotional detachment and the establishment of new boundaries.

This sounds great in theory, but I'm feeling a bit foggy on the practice of setting boundaries with my own parents. I don't want to hi-jack others' threads so I started this one. I'm going to post the specific scenarios I don't know how to handle, and I'm hoping that posters like Attilla and Proudnscary and AF and others who seem to have had some success will give their tips on how those situations can be better handled.

If you have difficult parents of your own, please go ahead and post your own specific scenarios where you'd like tips on how to behave in order to set new boundaries.

I hope this thread can turn into a practical "how to" on boundary-setting with parents who have spent your whole life teaching you how not to have any boundaries.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Mon 05-Sep-11 09:38:41

OK, so here are my problem scenarios:

1. Narc Mom fishes for praise. (she does this constantly, I've spent 32 years feeding her ego and it has made not one jot of difference. I'm fed up with her demands for ego-stroking)

2. Narc Mom invites herself over to mine, or asks for me to visit (the last thing I want is to spend any time with her)

3. Narc Mom goes into blame-shifting meltdown when I call her out on putting me or my Dad down, and plays the martyr.

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