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Am I unfair

(10 Posts)
insanityrules Mon 05-Sep-11 09:26:47

Everytime I bring up the word divorce, he goes mad and becomes verbally abusive.
I have been sleeping in a different room for the past 2 years, well on a blow up bed on the floor to be precise.
I can't carry on like this as I am lucky to see 5 hours sleep a night, which in turn has caused me to suffer from mild depression, anxiety attacks etc for which I have been receiving help for.
I have no feelings for him whatsoever, as far as I am concerned he is the childrens father and that is it.
He is quite happy to carry on like this pretending to the outside world that his marriage is fine.
I don't want to spend the rest of my life living like this, so have seen a solicitor to start divorce proceedings. Yet when I said to him I had done this he started shouting calling me every name under the sun, how I was being unfair on the kids.
I have in the past had an affair, this is constantly brought up in rows, the other day he shouted at me in front of the children, calling me a slag and that I would rather sleep with other people instead of him.
He keeps saying that he works hard to provide for us, gives us everything that we want and what more could I want.
My answer to this was well I want someone who doesn't drink every night, someone who doesn't use verbal abuse to get their point across.
He refuses to leave the home saying that everything in here is his, he pays the rent but I pay all the other bills.
I just needed to get this all of my chest.

susiedaisy Mon 05-Sep-11 09:39:50

Sorry to hear that you are living like this, he is being very unfair and abusive I would book yourself in to see a solicitor start putting yourself and the dc first, sleeping on an airbed FFS that's crapsad haven't got time to say much at mo others will be along with more support I am sure,

Xales Mon 05-Sep-11 09:46:08

Good on you going to see a solicitor and get the ball rolling. You have listed a few good examples just on here that can be used as unreasonable behaviour. Drinks too much, verbal abuse, I doubt it would be too hard to add a few more to that list to get reasonable grounds.

He doesn't get to say you cannot divorce him no matter how much he dislikes it.

You cannot make him leave the house however he doesn't get to say he refuses to leave the home etc once this is all moving, mediation or the courts will (hopefully) make it fair on both of you.

You can do this without his agreement.

Unfortunately it is going to be rough from the sounds of it sad.

Stick to your guns, detail all the abuse and don't back down.

susiedaisy Mon 05-Sep-11 10:02:30

Has your solicitor not mentioned the possibility of a non molestation injection and/ or a occupation order this would remove him from the property and stop all the verbal abuse?

susiedaisy Mon 05-Sep-11 10:03:21

Injection??? I mean injunction!

ineedabodytransplant Mon 05-Sep-11 10:53:12

injection might be better..grin

insanity, I wish you well. You, and your kids, deserve better. This is not how human beings should be treated. Stick to your guns, get away from this situation, for your sake and your childrens. I know it won't be easy, but many others on here have done it and now look back and wish they had done it sooner.

Good luck

neuroticmumof3 Mon 05-Sep-11 22:03:32

have you considered moving out? that might be the quickest option to get out of what sounds like a horrible situation.

insanityrules Tue 06-Sep-11 07:40:14

I'd love to move out but due to the childrens schools and work it is not an option.
I'm trying to go down the non molestation order route at the moment, still waiting to hear from solicitor.

AnyFucker Tue 06-Sep-11 08:16:34

Yes, follow through on your divorce, no matter what it takes

You must not stay attached to an abusive man in this sham of a marriage

Keep posting and garner all the RL support you can.

Any man that verbally abuses his wife in such a way in front of the chldren deserves everything he gets

susiedaisy Tue 06-Sep-11 08:41:22

Use a solicitor who specialises in family law and is used to being in front of a judge with non molestation and occupation orders etc, you do go to court with your sol but the sol does all the talking for you it isn't that bad, I took my mum for moral supportsmile sorry don't want to be bossy just want to get across that's it's not that bad, the law is set in place to help people like us, also speak to cab, legal aid, hmrc tax credit dept, and a website called turn2us, they can all help you find put what you may be entitled to financially stay strong opsmile

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