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is it normal to feel like this?

(6 Posts)
damsonjammy Mon 05-Sep-11 02:31:18

i have been with my husband for 19 years married for 10.
he is my best friend, my confidant, my partner in crime, my sofa buddy, my equal in the domestic side of things, an incredible father, still by far the best looking man i ever saw but......i dont know if i am still in love with him anymore.
i mean i love him deeply but in the way i love my best mate. is this normal? does everyone feel like this after so many years together?
im starting to notice all his annoying habits more and the little things are getting on my nerves, the sex (which used to be fantastic) is mundane and predictable,(and once a month whether i need it or not), i find myself praying for it to be over or for it to not start at all. dont get me wrong he still gets me going if you know what i mean but its the thought of it, and sometimes when he kisses me i actually wretch. my god whats wrong with me.
is this it? do i no longer want my hubby?
i cant imagine myself ever being with anyone else, i dont want to be with anyone else, i just dont know whats going on in my head.
can anyone relate to this?
i know he knows something is wrong, i know he can feel it, but how do you say to the man you have loved since you were 16 that you dont know if you are still in love with him or not?
what the hell do i do?

CailinDana Mon 05-Sep-11 12:50:45

What do you mean "is this it"? Do you mean that now you've hit a patch of low sex drive with a great man who's given you a good life that you "have" to leave him? Is sex that important to you? I don't really get it.

buzzsorekillington Mon 05-Sep-11 14:46:11

You're physically repulsed by him to the point of retching? Yup, there's definitely something wrong here.

Are there underlying issues or resentments you have with him that are going unconfronted? Have you changed your form of contraception?

It sounds like he's always the initiator of sex and that you just go along with it? If you're feeling repulsed by him, I don't think it's a good idea to go along, as it may just increase the revulsion. I think you might want to consider counselling in some form, either together or for yourself to work out where this issue is coming from.

InTheArmyNow Mon 05-Sep-11 14:49:36

No it's not normal to feel revulsion towards your H.

For how long has it been going on? Has something started this situation, an issue that went unresolved, birth of dcs????

Zon Thu 08-Sep-11 10:31:10

This is me. I guess I am not normal too. We have been together 9 years, and a son aged 6. After about 2 years I started to lose interest in sex and it hasn't returned.

I tried pretending, me taking the initiative, telling him what I like, doing new things, having 'a date' together, just doing it for him, imagining he is someone else. No strategy has helped. I actually do feel revulsion now during and after.

I have always enjoyed sex in the past, and he is actually really good. Somehow, something in me doesn't want to give it to him.

He is a good man, he loves me. However, I am often frustrated by things he does. His (in my view egocentric) way of behaving, or him being disrespectful. We have often talked about this, and that does help.

I feel really unreasonable for always being angry with him. I figured it was because I had lost 'me' in the relationship, as really me life 'before children' is entirely gone. This time, to save our relationship, he gave me lots of space, so I did go on a break with a friend, I organised the summer holidays the way I liked, I had some good times and I did find a bit of my old self back and it did help.

But...still no sex. I asked him if he would object if I find help, and he didn't..sort of. He doesn't like it, but I think it's the only way I can untangle my feelings.

buzzsorekillington Thu 08-Sep-11 13:10:13

If he's disrespectful and selfish, it's no wonder you're turned off by him.

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