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Evidence for children's contact with non-resident parent?

(8 Posts)
RushyBay Sun 04-Sep-11 21:50:26

Ex has just moved out, we have one DD, 16 months. We haven't come to any agreement yet about how often she's going to see him. As in, we haven't discussed it yet, just sorting stuff out day by day.

I'm thinking that at DD's age, short but frequent is probably better? Was thinking of suggesting he has her one day every weekend, and collect her from nursery a couple of evenings in the week, so he can give her tea and then I'll bring her home for bed.

But I was wondering whether anyone knows of any research into what sort of arrangements are best for children? Is 50/50 good for them? Or is it better to have one main home and visits to the NRP?

FabbyChic Sun 04-Sep-11 21:51:35

I think it really is a matter for you to decide amongst yourselves, however consistency and regular contact is best.

cestlavielife Sun 04-Sep-11 23:38:42

start here

your plan sounds good - the issues which impact are parents arguing over contact issues not the amount of contact per se

if the child grow up with two equal and loving homes with smooth handovers then that has to be good.

if things go well then surely you want ideally a shared parenting/shared residency arrangement with all things equal rather than RP/NRP?

in my case i am resident parent but for many reasons exP does not have dc to stay. separated parents where the other parent has equal parenting, has the child to stay equally -well it makes for an ideal world. both parents get time to move on and get chance to recharge batteries. being the sole RP is darn hard work - all the disadvantages of single parentdom and none of the advantages of having child go off for alternate weekends.... tho i certainly wouldnt go back to being with exP...

if you can start now with an idea of equal and shared responsibility then go for it better for all concerned

put it this way if one or you died -wouldnt it be much less traumatic for child because they already have a loving home with the other parent?


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RushyBay Mon 05-Sep-11 12:31:51

FabbyChic - I agree it's a decision we need to make ourselves and that it needs to be consistent. That's why I'm trying to find out what sort of arrangements have been shown to work best for children; so we can get it right from the start.

cestlavielife - that's exactly the kind of thing I was looking for, thank you for the link smile Will have a good read tonight.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING - good point about not wanting him in and out of mine long term. The trouble is, she still breastfeeds at night so I co-sleep with her. XH does sometimes put her to bed and settle her if she wakes, but it's always pretty distressing for them both and usually involves her crying herself to sleep in his arms. XH is definitely looking for somewhere to live where he'll be able to have her overnight eventually, I just worry about forcing DD to wean right at the time when she's bound to be feeling confused and unsettled about the separation.


Message withdrawn

RushyBay Mon 05-Sep-11 13:14:52

Wow, 6 nights?! Did you pump while you were away to keep your supply? I was never very successful at expressing while DD was tiny so I just didn't bother and kept her close instead, but perhaps I need to revisit the pump.

Thank you, that's really reassuring.


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