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reporting abuse from years ago-advice needed please

(6 Posts)
whydoesitalwayspouronme Sun 04-Sep-11 20:24:27

not really sure where to start, i have been wanting to write this post for a long time but i always seem to do a good job of putting this in the back of my mind and pretending it never happened and hasn't affected me.
i'm a regular but more a lurker and for some reason i've changed my name, i'm not sure if its through embarassment or being ashamed.
so this is my story -
about 20 years ago when i was a child, i can't remember my exact age but around 11 i went to a club every week to do a certain type of sport.
my intructor began feeling my breasts, it was a contact sport and always in front of parents etc but he would do it so causually and slip his hand inside myuniform which i would wear for this particular sport. to anyone else it would look like we were just practising this sport as his hand must have never been seen sad
as time went on i would end up going to championships with just him, he would drive. (i come from a single parent family and my mum never drove so was happy for him to take me). it all seems so foggy in my mind and i remember he;d drive along with his hand on my leg, i remember feeling like i dare move. i told my mum this when it was happening and my mum didn't believe me. this man was a head teacher at a school and i'm guessing still is.
heres the 2nd part!
with this sport we would go to different clubs and practise. i would go with my friend and her dad. eventually we started at a different cluub. again a instructor felt my breats. in the summer holidays he would do one to one and as we didn't have a car he picked me up. the club was about 30 miles away. so one day we went, just me and him to 'practice'. again its so foggy and feels like its not real because i have ignored it for so long. he begain feeling me between the legs that day, just through my uniform. luckly a cleaner walked into the hall ( its was like a community centre with just a hall) and that was that.
i'm not really sure what to do with this. i have moved areas. i'm sat here in tears and think it has affected me more then i realise. any advice would be great

SarahStratton Sun 04-Sep-11 20:45:21

Police. I recently reported a rape that happened to me when I was 19, I'm now 44. They took it very seriously, I was interviewed at the assault/sex offences suite (can't remember it's proper name, sorry), it has been thoroughly investigated and is now going through the 'system'. I've also been offered counselling.

It's helped me enormously to finally report it, and the counselling has been fantastic.

tb Mon 05-Sep-11 14:53:04

I reported abuse 2 years ago that went back to the 1960s. The police were absolutely great. Much of it was done over distance, and I felt I knew the CID officer who took my statement quite well before I met her.

As far as I'm aware, it's best to report the assaults/abuse in the police area where they occurred. It may have been different for me, 'cos I only plucked up the courage to report them after I'd left the country. Bit extreme I know grin

Good luck, and take care.

TartanKitty Mon 05-Sep-11 15:17:17

Think about what you want to get out of reporting it.

I reported abuse from when I was a young teenager when I was 20. I was warned that friends from the time and basically anyone who might have known what had gone on would be interviewed and in a small town word would get out (I hadn't and still haven't told my parents). I decided I couldn't go through that - although I might've felt more comfortable pursuing things if one of my abusers (also sports coach) wasn't ex CID and known to the officer who took my statement (funnily enough she never called me back to make things official so I just left it).

I still feel guilty at the thought they are still out there and could be hurting other young girls. And want revenge, to see them punished for what they did to me. But the reality is I've survived and going through police proceedings might be more painful if they get away with it or I feel like I'm not believed.

I would suggest counselling first, to sort out in your own mind what went on, how to deal with that and whether you want to go down the police route.

There is no right or wrong, just do what you feel helps you. Good luck.

lolaflores Mon 05-Sep-11 15:59:14

Call the rape crisis line. My sister spoke to them 20 years after an event. They really supported her and got her to the point where she started therapy. Don't be ashamed or feel like "well why are yous aying it now". It sounds to me like this sod was possibly taking advantadge of other kids. YOu were vulnerable with a single parent. This fuckers know what they are doing. At least ring the Rape Crisis line and ask for some advice. Once you know what can be done. Think on it, no one is asking you to make a decision about whether to go ahead, but it might help you get some peace or the first step to feeling better.
lots of love darling, you are brave

whydoesitalwayspouronme Mon 05-Sep-11 18:32:06

thank you everyone for your advice & support smile
i just feel that as it happened with two different men then its not beliverable and as they only did minor things it won't be considered that bad. but i just hate the thought of these men doing it to other peoples children and maybe even worse things.
i googled one of the mens name and it appears he is still at the same club so could still be doing it till this day. am not sure if he is still a headmaster but i just can't believe parents put their trust in people and they just take avantage sad

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