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What can I do now...?

(8 Posts)
whiteice Sun 04-Sep-11 15:28:49

I am a regular viewer but have never posted...everyone seems to give good advice so here goes...
I seem to have fallen out of love with DH over the last couple of years. We married and had kids in a flurry and not sure I ever really loved him.
I thought DH felt the same and it turns out he doesnt...he wants to make things work I have tried and tried and I will end up going crazy if I stay any longer.. He is so good in everyway, good looking hard working great with kids and does alot around the house... Perfect in everyway except I dont love him and cant give any love/affection to him which is not fair on him. I know he could provide and give me the best life but its not for me..I would rather be in love with someone and have nothing than stay and be miserable and have it all. DH deserves so much better too..deserves to be with someone who adores him. I dont think 3 DDs will miss out as they have to great parents who will always love them no matter what. I feel the whole situation is so sad and people will say you are mad leaving him you dont get much better than him..............anyone been through similar situation?

carlywurly Sun 04-Sep-11 15:37:13

I do understand where you're coming from, but don't do anything hasty. Being in love with someone but having nothing will not be romantic in reality, believe me. Your relationship would be under immense pressure before you even got going. And yes, I'm afraid you separating will absolutely affect your dd's. Sadly, there isn't a way around this, whatever the reason for a split. It has massive repercussions for everyone involved - family and friends too.

If you really don't love him, and are utterly miserable then separation should be a last resort imo (and I have been there). Try everything else first - counselling, talking to him, spending time together alone, absolutely everything before you consider divorce which really isn't an easy way out and will change your family dynamic forever.

Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.

FredBare Sun 04-Sep-11 16:52:53

I dont think 3 DDs will miss out

they will, no question about it. Dont break up their lives on a whim, you owe it to them to give it a really good try before you pack it all in

lazarusb Sun 04-Sep-11 17:24:29

Go to your GP, you sound depressed to me. They may be able to offer you counselling which could help you see things more clearly and better able to make a decision. Your dcs will be affected if you split, I expect they are also affected by the way you feel now though. If you decide to walk away, please don't feel it will be easy. It won't. You might feel better but you will also experience conflicting emotions.

mynewpassion Mon 05-Sep-11 05:42:34

Carlywurly has some great advice.

Sometimes people give up on marriage so easily and so quickly because they are "bored" or "think they have fallen out of love". Separation and divorce should be a last resort in these situations. You owe it to your children to try go to counseling.

If it all fails, then go through a divorce.

Proudnscary Mon 05-Sep-11 07:42:21

I couldn't agree more with mynewpassion and FredBare - how naive (I could use other adjectives such as arrogant and selfish but I don't know you so want to afford you a little more benefit of the doubt) to assume your children won't miss out!

What will you do when the honeymoon period with the next 'good looking, hard working, great parent' is over? Move on again?

Do everything you can to save this marriage. The grass ain't always greener, love.

lookbutdonttouch Mon 05-Sep-11 07:49:58

You thought your dh felt the same about what? And he doesn't about what?

How old are your DD's?

He is willing to try and perhaps then you should try, even for how and your Ds' sake, before you give up. You thought you were in love at first and it could be that the flurry of kids and day to day life has worn down the spark, you need to see if you can get it back before you walk away and go through the horror of separating...

Try everything first, please, even so you know you did. Go to counselling, go out together, have a weekend away without kids, talk, everything, before you give up.

If there is a chance you are depressed then go to your GP...

Obviously if you still feel this way having tried all avenues then don't stay and be miserable but you need to be damn sure and then double check.

AnyFucker Mon 05-Sep-11 08:33:06

If you don't love him, you don't love him...that cannot be forced. I have sympathy for you.

However, answer this question honestly. Is there someone else you think the grass might be greener with ?

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