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(11 Posts)
NameChangeTaken Sat 03-Sep-11 12:53:52

Just testing

NameChangeTaken Sat 03-Sep-11 13:06:58

Right, that worked so here goes.

Thursday me and DP were walking along the promenade in our town and went to get chips. DP ended up getting a really expensive and small portion of chips which he was quite grumpy about. I tried teasing him about to lighten the mood and he kicked me (not hard) in the ankle! I was gobsmacked and gave him a look to say "are you joking?" he replied that he wasn't and then later that he wasn't going to apologize and i could break up with him if i wanted.
We walked along pretty much in silence for a bit and then sat on the beach where he said "Oh god, I'm so sorry I just meant to give you a gentle nudge and I accidentally kicked too hard - so said all that stuff afterwards to punish my self (This is something DP tends to do, say stuff he doesn't really mean in order to make ppl annoyed at him and punish himself.)

Okay, so I believed him and we made up and I just said "next time you accidentally nudge someone just say oops I did that too hard - sorry! Instead of going all weird about it."

Cut forward to today, we were chatting on the phone on his commute to work (we don't live together) and I said something like "promise me you didn't mean to kick me on Thurs." He said "no, I didn't of course not I just meant it as a joke and I kicked too hard!" So we talked about it for a bit then he hung up as he was getting on the tube.

5 mins later, he rings up and says "actually sorry X, I think I did mean it on Thurs- you can break up with me if you like. I have to go into work now but I'll call you later." I said I loved him and didn't want to break up with him. Then we said bye as he was starting work.

Right so what should I do? Break up with him immediately or forgive this as an out of character really twatty thing to do and tell him never to do anything like that again.

buzzsorekillington Sat 03-Sep-11 13:23:16

Let me get this straight:
- he kicks you during his moody,
- doesn't apologise
- says he acts even stroppier when called out on bad behaviour to punish himself
(How does that work, ehhmm? he wants to make people even more upset? Isn't that punishing them as much/more than himself?)
- he plays mind games, you're trying to guess what he's thinking all the time
- he's putting the onus on you to either put up with his shit or break up, so if you stick it out, he can say "you knew what I was like" and dismiss you.

Dump that asshole.

HerHissyness Sat 03-Sep-11 13:23:35

Erm, NO!! Run for the ffing hills! Well probably limp off actually. angry

If you don't categorically end this now, this clown will kick you anytime he pleases and NOT EVEN APOLOGISE for it.

I don't care a jot about how he punishes himself for doing wrong, that is totally and utterly irrelevant. He KICKED you, and MEANT it FFS!

This kick is a test, it's showing HIM that you will put up with him using violence as a means to control you.

It's showing YOU what he will do when even mildly irritated. Imagine when he's LIVID?

The genie is out of the bottle love, he's crossed that line, you don't end this, you are enabling his abuse of you, and setting yourself up for a miserable future, one that could even be shortened by his hand.

Don't muck about with this.

End it now.

buzzsorekillington Sat 03-Sep-11 13:25:40

It's not out of character btw, because you say: "(This is something DP tends to do, say stuff he doesn't really mean in order to make ppl annoyed at him and punish himself.)"

I wouldn't be sure it's not stuff he doesn't mean, it's really bad behaviour of his that he doesn't like being called on and pretends he doesn't mean afterwards.

PonceyMcPonce Sat 03-Sep-11 13:28:38

Good grief. He has told you he meant to hurt you. Believe him!
Dump him.

NameChangeTaken Sat 03-Sep-11 13:37:52

(C+P from the other thread)

Thanks everyone, I know you are right really.
I think I just wanted to write it down/get over the shock really.
I mean 3 years of a generally good relationship and then someone kicks you - over CHIPs. I just feel a bit numb really.

PonceyMcPonce Sat 03-Sep-11 14:37:40

Really really awful for you.

All I can say is think where you want to be in 12 months time.
Looking back and thinking it was sad, becuase you thought there was something good in that relationship, or holding your broken ribs and wondering what to do next?

You need to look after you, and you do not need to be someone's punching bag

GloriaVanderbilt Sat 03-Sep-11 14:42:12

I'm not so concerned at the potential forfuture violence. It's the way he s being fucking weird about it.

There's something wrong with him. No one normal would anywhere near act like this.

Can you just, well, dump him right now? I don't feel easy about anyone dating someone as fucked up as this man is.

You poor thing. He is a freak.

HerHissyness Sat 03-Sep-11 19:21:40

Conversation continues here DP Kicked me!

GloriaVanderbilt Sat 03-Sep-11 19:27:42

Thankyou! Found it just now smile

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