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If you knew that somebody disliked you child/ren intensly, you would completely cut them out wouldnt you?

(34 Posts)
justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 10:36:32

But what if that person was your sister?
What would you do then?

thisisyesterday Sat 03-Sep-11 10:38:19

why does she dislike them?

solidgoldbrass Sat 03-Sep-11 10:41:53

I would try to find out why. If it was someone I liked who just really can't get on with children, I would see that person without taking my DC with me.
But if your sister hates your children, there's something else going on. Does she have any of her own? If not, do you think her 'hating' them is due to jealousy that you are a mother and she is not?

Catslikehats Sat 03-Sep-11 10:43:13

Why does she dislike them?

I don't think disliking your DC means that someone should automatically be cut out but it does mean that your relationship might change.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 10:43:35

She claims to "Hate" all children. Regardless of how lovely they are.

So because she is in contact with family kids, she lets it be known that she intensly dislikes even 30 seconds of their company. Scowls at them, demands that they do as they have been told NOW, she is just vile really.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 10:44:56

She has one boy, quiet as a mouse, luckily. Says that he is alright, but only becuase he is her own.

GypsyMoth Sat 03-Sep-11 10:46:38

So you all dance to her tune then?

Lifeinlalaland Sat 03-Sep-11 10:47:04

How old is your sister? What is her relationship situation? Do you think there are any issues with jealousy and wanting children of her own and so on?

If not then tbh I would tell her I was not prepared to expose my child to her vitriol and never see her when you have your child with you. What do the rest of your family members with children think about her attitude towards their kids?

Whats she like in general?

Catslikehats Sat 03-Sep-11 10:48:18

Not everyone does like children, there is nothing in itself wrong with that.

If I am honest I find young children pretty irritating and demanding and wouldn't really choose to spend any significant time with any other than my own.

I think if she is unkind to your DC's then that is another issue altogether but I am not sure scowling and expecting a child to do what they are told really comes into that category.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 10:50:20

ILoveTIFFANY absolutely not!
She has not seen my son for about 2 years because i will not put him in any ones company that is so ngative and angry.

My other sister isnt so fortunate and puts up with allot for her though. I say nowt, but wonder at what point she will decide enough is enough. They both rely on my mum 99% of the time for childcare, and so are in regular contact with each other and each others children.
She is 39, had a dp, has a 9 year old ds. Has NO friends, she is a generally angry obstructive argumantative nasty person normally.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 10:52:08

When she walks into the room, my 8 year old neice jumps onto the sofa and clamps her hand over her mouth immediately, she is badly affected (IMHO) by the signals that my sister gives off.
My sister denies this and says that dn is "Oblivious to it". she is not!

lazarusb Sat 03-Sep-11 11:07:43

The line that jumped out at me was that her ds is 'as quiet as a mouse'. Why? Is he frightened of her? Does she have such stringent rules that he's scared to put a foot out of line? (I ask because that's how I lived as a child - I had a breakdown when I was 14). I would be concerned for him sad I would also avoid her like the plague.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 11:13:25

rasarusb that was the upbringing we had as kids. My sister is almost as identical to my mother unfortunately.

He is a quiet boy anyway...(until, between you & me, he comes to our house, then its like a switch has been flipped and he has a fantastic time)
She doesnt tolerate noise or mess in her house, so he complies.
Our kids never ever go to her house, she wont let them in anyway, she blocked the door so we couldnt enter last time i went with ds when he was about 7 months old.

ImperialBlether Sat 03-Sep-11 11:32:37

She sounds as though she has mental health problems. It's one thing not to particularly like other people's children, but quite another to block up the door to stop a seven month old baby enter!

What's strange, too, is that when babies are seven months old, they are usually absolutely lovely, aren't they? All happy and smiley and not big enough to make a mess.

I feel so sorry for her son in particular. What's her husband like?

I would invite her son as often as I could, but I wouldn't let her see my own child.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 11:36:20

Imperial, thats what i do.
Her dp is nice, but he makes it clear that he doesnt like any of us.

She doesnt believe in councelling and is a health food freak so wont touch medications.

Anyhow her ds comes to us regularly, and my ds goes nowhere near her. My dn has no choice and her mum, my sister wont say anything.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 11:38:52

Im thinking about suggesting to my sister that maybe she avoids our horrid sister completely.

I have a feeling it will come back to bite me in the arse though. I seriously worry about my little neices mental health if she remains in the company of someone who is so nasty.

GwendolineMaryLacey Sat 03-Sep-11 11:42:09

Her dp is nice, but he makes it clear that he doesn't like any of us

Not my definition of nice. If he makes it clear then he's just as bad as her. I wouldn't let me children near her but keep doing what you're doing with her boy.

tadpoles Sat 03-Sep-11 11:56:16

I'd have it out with her in no uncertain terms. She sounds like a spoilt brat and everyone has to tiptoe around her stupid tantrums! What a drama queen. Point out to her that she behaves like a two year old. When, and if, she decides to grow up you will consider having an adult relationship with her. It sounds not so much as though she hates all children, but that she hates everyone.

I presume she has her partner and child under her thumb, but hopefully at some stage in the future they will get as fed up with her as you have. Take away some of her power by not taking her so seriously - she really does sound like she has the behaviour patterns of a toddler - does she have some kind of personality disorder (narcissism or something)?

"Scowls at them, demands that they do as they have been told NOW, she is just vile really."

Jeez - have it out with her! She sounds like a complete pain in the arse and the fact that she has no friends at all confirms that.

Mouseface Sat 03-Sep-11 12:00:14

sad

She sounds utterly vile doesn't she. Your own sister? She hates all children but has one of her own? Weird.

I agree with tadpoles and others who have said to have it out with her. Get to the bottom of it once and for all.

I think there's more to this than she'll ever admit to.

lazarusb Sat 03-Sep-11 12:02:02

I am quite a strict parent too but I am aware of my feelings as a child so I have made a concerted effort to relax and let things go a bit. I can still be a bit of a fascist at times, especially regarding table manners etc sad which led me into therapy in my 30s. Dh always pulls me up on it though grin which is a good thing.
Confession - I don't particularly like other people's children blush either but I love my nephews and nieces and make a conscientious effort with the dcs friends. Your sister sounds like she doesn't really care about anyone else's feelings though. I bet your nephew adores coming to your house smile

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 12:21:15

Thing is, she is impossible to argue with. When i say she is viscious, i mean that she does not hold back, does not give a shit about what she says, is opinionated and nasty. She reduces my mum (who is hard as nails) to tears when she has had words with her.
My mum has asked her to leave her house because she is so upset before now and my sister just anounces "Im not fucking going anywhere" and refuses to move, continues with her agument regardless of how much my mother is sobbing.

I could not/would not have it out with her becuase i just wouldnt win.
As far as she is concerned , she is right, we are all wrong, other peoples kids are nasty sniveling spoint little bastards that need a good fucking hiding...her words.
She has offered to take my neice for a week, because she would sort her the fuck out and knock her brattish ways out of her shockshock
and my sister STILL says nothing.
My niece btw is gorgeous, chatty, funny and excitable..normal really, in no way naughty or anything.

justhe1 Sat 03-Sep-11 12:22:57

this is what my other sister has told me, i havent witnessed this because i really would just walk out, taking my neice with me...from my mums house.

MistyMountainHop Sat 03-Sep-11 12:27:26

why does she dislike them?

i have to say i am not keen on "other peoples kids" as a rule, and i am sure not everyone i know likes my DC either grin i wouldn't cut anyone out because of it.

seems a little bit sad as she's your sister though sad

Thumbwitch Sat 03-Sep-11 12:28:51

Apart from the tragedy it would be for your nephew to lose contact with normality, I would say Get Shot of her, yes. But since your nephew has respite at your house, you can't.

You don't let your DS anywhere near her toxicity, so it's not an issue for him; your other sister is her own person and can make her own decisions although again it's a shame for your niece - but again, she can come to yours for more normal family interaction.

Don't rock the boat - the only people who will suffer are you and the respective children. The adults in this scenario can take care of themselves.

As for your toxic sister's DP - can't see why you think he is nice if he doesn't like any of you.hmm

lazarusb Sat 03-Sep-11 12:51:59

She is a very nasty person isn't she? Not just to children. She is a bully. Your poor nephew. FWIW, if anyone threatened my child the way she is threatening your niece, I would be inclined to report it.

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