Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How would you view his reaction?

(11 Posts)
vole3 Sat 03-Sep-11 06:07:32

Now separated from H. Clearing through the study found some old holiday snaps of his ex from long ago. Didn't shred them!!
Later on, whilst emailing photos from his PC of DS so i could have them, came across (OK, looked for, but it was an open PC) emails from ex from last year when he had met up with her. I knew about this at the time and grudgingly allowed it as it was meant to be a 1 off and in regard to a particular matter.

I emailed her asking if there had been more to the meet ups than just as people who had once known each other as I could not be sure that he had told me the whole truth. She replied none of her business, so I then emailed saying that by sneaking around with a man she knew was married she had made it her business and left herself open to accusations of having an affair with him, bearing in mind that 1 affair had come to light so why not more.

She then emails him to complain and he is saying I was bang out of order (OK I was) and has given her bruised feelings more weight over the fact that I had found out there was more to it than he had let on and been deeply hurt by his actions. Previously in the first few years of being married she had contacted him and he had said thanks, but no thanks, as he had suspected she still had feelings for him.

OK, I shouldn't have looked; OK I was stupid to email her, but why do you think he is giving her feelings more weight than those of the woman he married.

FemaleYouNicked Sat 03-Sep-11 06:14:45

He's defensive and irritated by you at the moment. Do not give him any more fuel to add to the fire. He sounds like an arse. Start by being conciliatory and apologose - then try to act with a little more strength and dignity. It will be worth it in the end, please believe me.

You will drive yourself mad with jealousy, it is a soul destroyer.

FemaleYouNicked Sat 03-Sep-11 06:15:29

apologise not apologose!

vole3 Sat 03-Sep-11 06:21:40

After what he has done I have little soul left as it has been ripped out of me, but I take your point.
Thanks

vole3 Sat 03-Sep-11 06:23:21

Should I email her to apologise or leave it alone?

FemaleYouNicked Sat 03-Sep-11 06:31:00

I'm not sure. Maybe write one sentence of 'Sorry, i have been insane and shouldn't have emailed you' but no more. No explanation.

Don't use it as an excuse to contact her, if that's what you're thinking.

Break ups can be horrendous and, as the rejected party, it's always hard to work everything out and figure out the wood for the trees. Keep busy. DO something FUN today!!

solidgoldbrass Sat 03-Sep-11 10:46:11

No, leave the woman alone. Your anger with her is misplace - it's your H who has behaved badly, but trying to get revenge will do you more harm than good: don't give anyone the ammunition to paint you as a bunny-boiling mad loser. Behaving with dignity has its own strength.

ImperialBlether Sat 03-Sep-11 11:34:52

Email her saying, "Sorry, I couldn't live with myself if he'd passed it on to anyone else."

Mouseface Sat 03-Sep-11 12:04:12

Don't contact her again. Leave her be.

It's him not her that you should be upset with. The fact that he's cleverly turned this around to be your fault says it all to me.

Yes, you snooped but you know that, he knows that. Don't go back there.

Let it go and try to sort your own relationship out now. Head held high. smile

mynewpassion Sat 03-Sep-11 21:18:03

Agree with everyone. Leave it alone. Have no more contact with her or you might be further accuse of harassment.

MmmmmCake Sat 03-Sep-11 21:29:02

you are separated, move on

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now