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Help me

(24 Posts)
craftyknickers Sat 03-Sep-11 00:02:30

I'm rapidly posting this to you as I have been out tonight for the first time being single and I was having a wonderful time. I even got up and had a dance.

I didn't drink too much as I don't like it really but it was enough to bring this on!

I can't stop crying! I have been so strong but right now I am crying with anger for him doing this to me in the first place and I'm crying with grief because I miss him.

I'm posting here so I don't message him with this. I am still strong enough not to do that.

It's just come over me so quickly, it hurts. If he loved me like he said he did why did he hurt me? Why did he want to control me and make me so sad? Why didnt his words match his actions? He said he wanted a future with me.

I hate myself for even going out let alone having a few drinks!

I'm so sorry that this is such a depressing post.

FabbyChic Sat 03-Sep-11 00:04:36

Hey it is understandable that you are going to be sad going home and he is no longer there. Men are weird creatures, their actions in a lot of cases never match their words. They never see any wrong in what they do either and allways blame us.

Things will get easier as time goes along, that is all it takes seriously is time.

Maybe you went out too soon?

Have a hug.

HerHissyness Sat 03-Sep-11 01:07:42

There will be emotional fall out love, but it doesn't mean you haven't done the right thing!

You know you will wake up tomorrow and you'll know you were right to get out.

Read Lundy Bancroft. it will help.

He said he loved you, he may have thought he meant it, but he doesn't know how to love, and won't ever change to love properly. To do that he'd have to relinquish control, and he can't allow that to happen. he controlled you and made you sad to bring you, a lively, lovely happy, smart woman, down to where he thinks he is. It's HIS esteem that is shot here, but rather than improve himself, he destroys all GOOD around him, so that HE is the one in the stronger position. If it still doesn't go his way, he'll get physical. It's his RIGHT to dominate.

There is a lot of adrenaline in a break, it carries you through, you feel the exileration of freedom, even more when abuse/control is in play, once that subsides, you slump.

Hang in there, don't panic and trust your instincts, you were right to end it, and your life has a hopeful future.

A Fabby hug? Have a Hissy one too!

BobBanana Sat 03-Sep-11 01:09:29

Message withdrawn

tallwivglasses Sat 03-Sep-11 01:27:33

You went out. You had a wonderful dance and a great time.

Fuck him <tall hug, ie nuzzlin in me norks>

ChildofIsis Sat 03-Sep-11 01:34:53

I think you've shown amazing courage to go out for the evening.

My H dumped me by e-mail today, I can't imagine ever being where you are. I'm sure it will come though.

We're strong, feisty women and we won't let them get to us.

GypsyMoth Sat 03-Sep-11 01:42:08

How tall are you wiv??

tallwivglasses Sat 03-Sep-11 01:50:00

6ft. Twas tall in my day and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Probably shrinking a bit now but still enjoy an affinity with the tall lasses smile

How aboyut you?

HerHissyness Sat 03-Sep-11 01:51:59

Ahh, ChildofIsis, just saw your post love! what a bollocks! Hope you are OK!

You'll get there chuck, we'll make sure of that! You need anything, talk it through? start a thread!

(((((HUG)))))

GypsyMoth Sat 03-Sep-11 01:58:56

5ft 11 here! Yes,starting to shrink I think! Dd1 has caught me up now

AlfalfaMum Sat 03-Sep-11 02:06:26

more hugs.

I've been there. it all has to come out some time - the tears - and if you've been holding it in day to day it comes out the second you have your guard down. you'll feel a bit better afterwards smile

BluddyMoFo Sat 03-Sep-11 02:08:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChildofIsis Sat 03-Sep-11 05:49:04

Thank you so much for your support.

Sleep is evading me tonight so I've been e-mailing updates to friends.
I don't know if the other woman is on MN so I won't start a thread in case I get outted in RL.

I'm committed to maintaining my dignity and will not mud-sling.
After what he's done I wouldn't want to lower myself to his level.
He'll get his comeuppance somewhere along the line. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around.

ItsNotUnusual Sat 03-Sep-11 05:54:26

Fwiw it will get easier. Not n a straight line though, it'll be lots of ups n downs but you will get there.

What tunes made you get up to dance? Make sure you can dance around your living room when the going gets tough. In desperate times sing 'I will survive' at volume and with enthusiasm.

ChildofIsis Sat 03-Sep-11 06:58:52

I've been singing that in head whilst waiting for the non-existent sleep to come.

I'm out all day today on a course; couldn't have come a better time; so hopefully some time away from home will put some perspective on it. If that's possible at this stage.

craftyknickers Sat 03-Sep-11 12:16:07

ChildofIsis (((((hugs))))) im so sorry you are going through this. The best advice i can give is use MN to post whenever your down, it stops me from going crazy and im not tempted to say anything to 'him'......we are here if you need to talk.

Well this morning i had a lie in and i feel much better. It was a bit of a shock as its the first time ive cried about all this. I think alcohol made me let my guard down. Didnt quite expect it.

I am glad i went out and i had a giggle. I think next time ill have a couple of drinks to loosen me up and leave it at that.

Im ok today, the one thing i am enjoying is only having myself to think about when i do things. It makes my head a lot clearer and i dont have the butterflies in my stomach with worry.

It has been nearly two weeks and I am doing ok!! Im safe and I am not being shouted at all of the time, what more could i ask for?

Im sat watching create and craft on tv in my jamas having a lazy day and i love it because i dont have to feel guilty because 'he' calls me lazy.

Last night was a blip but now i know what caused it i can avoid it until im a little stronger.

craftyknickers Sat 03-Sep-11 12:17:00

bloodymofo your post made me laugh a lot!! :D

MmmmmCake Sat 03-Sep-11 20:12:40

its the drink

everyone gets maudlin when they have had a few

tallwivglasses Sat 03-Sep-11 23:10:16

I hope crafty and ChildofIsis have had a good saturday. It does get better, honest.

If mn has a useful tip-of-the-week type-thing then bloodymofo's should win grin

ChildofIsis Sun 04-Sep-11 20:43:16

I had a fantastic saturday thanks for asking.
I've actually had the best weekend in months and feel happier than I've felt for ages.
I've accepted that it's over and we've been well connected and forthcoming with each other.
I am now free to start again. Wow what an opportunity!

craftyknickers Sun 04-Sep-11 21:50:33

childofisis im so happy for you, its a great feeling. (mine is coming in waves)

I had a lovely saturday thank you, i didnt get out of my jamas, just sat and watched craft tv all day. I loved it because it was something i chose to do and nobody moaned at me or called me names.

Today was even better, went out with family and had a lovely time.

Things are really lookng good as long as i dont drink for a bit!

tallwivglasses Sun 04-Sep-11 23:41:26

Just caught up.

The only way is up grin

Two new chapters begin!

ChildofIsis Mon 05-Sep-11 09:57:55

Tall that's exactly how I see it.
I'm very sad that it's come to this, but if it has to be then I'm going to run with it.
I can see a new path unfolding and it's taking in a direction I'd only ever dreamed of.

tallwivglasses Thu 08-Sep-11 01:50:36

Just caught up (again),

Good luck smile

You too, crafty x

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