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PILS and I don't speak, they want to come to dd's party?

(27 Posts)
ThePosieParker Fri 02-Sep-11 20:45:24

Brief history:
Pils are a world apart from me (what I am about to say may sound snobby but imagine they're your ILS), they read The Sun, talk about tit sucking (breastfeeding), FIL comments on women's breasts to my dH in front of me..... from the off say lovely things about DH's ex gf, argue and have a go at me ain a way they wouldn't to DH and usually when dH wasn't around. They used to turn up Thursday for a weekend visit and leave Tuesday and treat the house like it was Dh's only and I was a guest, more tha them. The list goes on. Children come along and FIL teases and is rough with our small babies, MIL constantly picked at what I did..... NEVER at DH only me.
FIL helped DH with house stuff and effed up loads.

So many many small shit things to build an uncomfortable relationship. They think I'm a snob and high maintainence and I think they're rough and inconsiderate. WE don't like each other. It all came to a head when MIL reacted to something I wrote on FB about my own mother, saying something nice. She decided it was really a dig at her, which it wasn't. She responded with a 'Joanna, now there;s a girl you would really want for a dil' and I overheard her bitching about me and my mother on the phone, it also transpired she had been phoning DH at work telling him my status updates (he isn't on FB).

So very petty, but a truly 'over' relationship.

They are now asking to come to dd's birthday party and I don't think I could be in the same room as them. There's no reason for them to come, her birthday is on Tuesday (DH is at work and so no way they can come then, I'm ion Bristol and they're midlands) and dd's party is at the end of the month as she's five and starting school so no friends yet. They can see her in between, the party is a chance for dd to build friendships.

WWYD?

confidence Fri 02-Sep-11 20:50:22

Tell them to fuck off.

ThePosieParker Fri 02-Sep-11 20:51:26

That made me smile a lot. TBH I have said to DH if they come I won't go and he can think about how he'll afford a bedsit and our mortgage!!

Vajazzler Fri 02-Sep-11 20:52:58

What Coincidence said grin

Ingles2 Fri 02-Sep-11 20:54:07

nah... they've burnt bridges for party invites imo... Even if you bend over backwards they won't thankyou for it.
Tell dh he'll have to organise taking dd to visit them.

nancy75 Fri 02-Sep-11 20:56:04

what does your dd want? does she have a good/any relationship with them?
They do sound abit odd, but then my judging them because they read the sun so do you.

HappyAsASandboy Fri 02-Sep-11 20:57:14

I think the diplomatic thing would be for your DH to take DD to PIL for a birthday celebration with them. Then you host the party for
DD's friends without family (probably without your family too).

ThePosieParker Fri 02-Sep-11 20:58:06

I have no problem with him visiting them or them coming here when I'm not around....none what so ever. (Reading the Sun is shorthand for everything they represent really!! )

ThePosieParker Fri 02-Sep-11 20:59:51

My mother is in the country for the first time for her birthday and so she's coming.....DH has no siblings and my sister has children of similar age,.

cjbartlett Fri 02-Sep-11 21:05:44

Why didn't you delete her from Facebook?

ThePosieParker Fri 02-Sep-11 21:08:10

I did that day!!

PrimaBallerina Sat 03-Sep-11 00:39:30

Tit sucking?!!! (thinks snobby thoughts about your pils too).

MaMattoo Sat 03-Sep-11 01:00:37

Yup agree with confidence

lachesis Sat 03-Sep-11 01:03:13

And your husband hasn't told them where to go with their comments?

empirestateofmind Sat 03-Sep-11 06:06:12

Tit sucking?!!! (thinks snobby thoughts about your pils too)

me too Prima

They sound awful. I think HappyasaSandBoy's suggestion is a good one.

Iteotwawki Sat 03-Sep-11 07:54:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iteotwawki Sat 03-Sep-11 07:55:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iteotwawki Sat 03-Sep-11 08:00:26

I think - I wouldn't want my children anywhere near them. Until the children are old enough to have formed their own opinions, because there's no way I'd want the grandparents passing their own opinions and ideas on.

I would also be very unhappy about my children spending time with people who obviously don't like me very much.

What I would do is point out that their past behaviour has made it impossible for me to have any kind of civil relationship with them and therefore made it impossible for me to facilitate their relationship with my children. They would not be welcome at any birthday parties and quite frankly I wouldn't want my DH taking them up to visit without me either.

If the children want to know their grandparents when they're older (i.e. teens) then I might provide contact details. Maybe.

Or, with less words - what confidence said smile

ledkr Sat 03-Sep-11 08:25:18

Nah,they cant come,how uncomfortable for everyone.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions Sat 03-Sep-11 08:30:40

Tit sucking <faints>

SnapesMistress Sat 03-Sep-11 14:55:59

I think of myself as fairly liberal and accepting but tit sucking would have got a catsbum mouth from me.

YANBU, tell them where to go.

ImperialBlether Sat 03-Sep-11 15:30:42

They sound really awful and I wouldn't want anything to do with them. I'm amazed at your stupidity, OP, in letting her near your Facebook. Did you not think where that would end?

I wouldn't tell them about your mum and sister coming. Make sure they are blocked from your family's Facebook, too. I would say she's having a party for other children and it's not convenient.

How does your DH get on with them?

PivotPivotPIVOT Sat 03-Sep-11 15:34:39

I agree there is no need for them to come to the party.

heleninahandcart Sat 03-Sep-11 18:44:27

No they cannot be at DD's party. Why would they want to anyway unless its about THEM as your MIL already seems to think about lots of things. They have been repeatedly rude to you as DD's mother.

I would tell them, and tell them why (the rudeness and insults to you) without getting into an argument. No need to tell them any more. If they want to do a birthday event with DD, they can do with with your DH another time.

Do you think they have an idea that your mother and sister are coming? Could this be why they now want to come as well? Still NO.

heleninahandcart Sat 03-Sep-11 18:45:47

And change your fb settings so she cannot see any of your posts via friends.

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