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I think I am probably overthinking and stressing over not a lot but I'd like to talk it through anyway please(8 Posts)
Was supposed to have a date tonight-we saw each other on Monday
shagged and pencilled in tonight. He?s texted or called me every day since(as in he?s initiated contact), called me last night saying he was at the pub near my house and could he come round and see me. I said no as was feeling a bit crap and was going to bed. He asked if I was still ok for tonight and I said yes.
This morning I texted him and asked what the plan for tonight was. He said he was going to be working a bit late and had an early start tomorrow so could we just have a quiet night in at his. He?d previously promised to cook for me sometime but said he?d probably be knackered so was it ok if we ate separately and I went over afterwards. I was fine with that as hadn?t been expecting him to cook tonight anyway.
THEN about half an hour later I got another text saying did I want to postpone because he was really busy with work and had some phonecalls to make afterwards. He offered to come over one night early next week after children were in bed instead and said Fridays generally weren?t great for him. I said I would prefer not to postpone but understood if he was busy and it was a hassle to fit me in tonight. Reminded him exh was having the children tomorrow night as well if he wasn?t busy and he said he wasn?t sure what he was doing yet but would let me know.
TBH I was fine with it until that last message (a bit disappointed but ok) but that last message made me feel like a real last resort for him. I mean if he doesn?t already have plans for tomorrow then he could arrange to see me surely?
And why arrange to see me then cancel 30 mins later?
We met through mutual friends and I saw one of them yesterday who was talking to me about him as though we were seeing each other so he?s obviously spoken to them about us. I?m just a bit confused, does he want to see me or not?
We first met over a year ago and have seen each other socially with friends 7/8 times but only got it together last week (drunken kiss following conversation where he said he?d always fancied me). Have had 2 dates since (slept together on 2nd one). Quite honestly I had no expectations from him but because he has been so good about contact I?ve started to think that maybe we would start seeing each other. And until this morning I thought I was happily just taking it for what it was but my reaction has proved otherwise
I am massively overthinking it aren?t I? And it?s way too early to care anyway, I know that. Hopefully it?s just the disappointment of of not seeing him after having been looking forward to it and not that I have turned into crazy person.
Sorry for lengthy post, wanted to ensure I included everything.
I do think you're way overthinking it. However, my one worry is that he's messing you about now because you wouldn't see him the other night. Some people are like that - they hate to be rejected in any way and will retaliate in really stupid ways. Just keep an eye out for that in future. Apart from that I'd say you're pretty keen on him and you're being a bit teenagerish about the whole thing, which is rather sweet really
Thank you. I do feel a bit teenagery
I think our friend talking to me as though we were a couple yesterday threw me a bit as well-we haven't had any conversations about whether we are going to start seeing each other so I just assumed it was a fling that may or may not lead to more but that made me think that maybe he'd been talking about us like we were together. Just need to get back to my original thinking I suppose...
But still a bit gutted that he doesn't want to see me tonight after all
Call me a cynic but you could be a booty call for him and nowt else. Hope I'm proven wrong. I will say this though, if messing you around etc becomes a pattern at this early stage, even if you continue to see him, I'd say move on because that type of head wreck at the start doesn't point to a promising future.
Yes I had wondered about that too...The call last night was almost certainly a booty call
He could well be very busy at work!!! Also, if you only got together with him recently, he could well have a tentative arrangement with friends for tomorrow night that he is trying to get out of, or wondering whether he SHOULD try to get out of. It's hard not to overthink things, but at this stage of the game you know far too little about him to prescribe motives to his behaviour.
He does work hard and also coaches a kids football team which takes up a couple of evenings and saturday mornings. He's told me before he usually spends friday evenings on the phone. Then saturday nights he usually goes to the pub/into town as that is usually the only night he can drink without having to get up early the next day (yesterday he'd been at a funeral so being at the pub was an exception). Also he lives alone and Saturdays are usually when he sees his mates. So yes, he hasn't said anything that didn't ring true, I'm just disappointed that we arranged it then he cancelled straight after.
And disappointment is making me paranoid!
But thank god for mn because if I couldn't overreact on here I might be freaking out at him instead and then it really would all be over!
To add what I said before - at some point you need to see him making a real effort to spend time with you and prioritising you. You are in the early stages of a relationship, and he should be trying to impress you - if he doesn't try to impress you at this point, then he never will!!! Going to the pub every Saturday night might be fine for a single man, but for someone in a relationship it may not work, especially if you are both busy during the week.
Don't read too much into an occasional cancellation or not seeing him much for a week every now and then, but if it's consistent, then warning bells need to ring, because this early, romantic stage of the relationship should be when you want to spend as much time together as possible.
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