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White lies?

(16 Posts)
crazzylife Thu 01-Sep-11 12:25:00

I have been seeing someone recently and just can't decide whether to let him go or continue seeing him. We like each other but sometimes I feel he isn't completely honest with me. He came into my life when I was completely low and unhappy and I suddenly felt alive again and an improved self-esteem.

An example is when he doesn't reply to a message or bother contacting me and then says his phone was playing up. Maybe he wasn't lying but Im just not sure. And even if he might be telling a white lie I do feel that life is too short to be so petty and I just ignore that he may have lied. I know that he is very busy but it doesn't take that long to send a text.

We slept with each other, it wasn't fantastic and he held back from ejaculating, to put it politely, but claimed that he did. Isn't that strange? I don't mind that he didn't and maybe it's just a man thing to not admit it he couldn't.

Am I paranoid or is he playing me?

He says he loves me but is he lying?

Confused, any thoughts would help.

pictish Thu 01-Sep-11 12:29:35

Well...I dunno OP, but I will say this.
I cannot abide liars....and the worst ones are the ones who lie when there is no need to - as if it's just a casual day by day thing.

If I cottoned on to a lad being a Fibber McGee so early on in the relationship, I would assume it will only escalate, so he'd be ditched straight off.

Liars are creeps.

crazzylife Thu 01-Sep-11 13:01:06

Thanks pictish.

I've known him for a while and he is a decent person but I just have this niggling feeling.

He did finally admit that he didn't orgasm but I just don't know why he had to lie.

I know that if I ditch him I'll go back to feeling lonely and miserable again. We aren't teenagers, we are meant to be mature adults but why does I feel like it's teenage dating?

AnyF Thu 01-Sep-11 13:20:29

Is he fearful of getting you pg ?

Why lie though ?

Stupid, un-necessary white lies really annoy me. I tend to think they are covering great big whoppers, which annoy me even more.

I would think, at the very least, this guy is an idiot.

Don't stay with somebody rubbish because you fear being alone. Better to be alone and sure of your ground, than looking over your shoulder all the time.

solidgoldbrass Thu 01-Sep-11 13:23:32

This sounds like far more stress than it's worth. Dating someone when you have low self-esteem is never a good idea as you either drive an OK person away by being insecure, picky and whiny, or (more likely) you attract arseholes who think they can do what they like to you and you will put up with it.

crazzylife Thu 01-Sep-11 13:41:03

AnyF, I think the pg thing may be true but we're adults, we don't need to lie or so I think. As adults we should be able to tell the truth. If he had told the truth I wouldn't think any less of him. I could understand why a teenager may lie, but an adult? Or is it just the male ego at any age?

Solidgoldbrass, he says lovely things, sometimes too nice for me to believe that they are true but then that's what low self esteem does. Someone may say i'm beautiful but I just wont believe it! I'm not stressed to be honest, I just feel that I'm too old for games.

Whenever my head says one thing he's there being lovely and my heart says another...

Helltotheno Thu 01-Sep-11 13:43:10

Red flags here imo. He's hiding something else, also it just doesn't sound like a match made in heaven.

As an aside, you should not be lonely and miserable on your own, and no man can help you with that. Ditch the liar, join some clubs, find some hobbies, meet new friends and enjoy life on your own for decent time period, THEN maybe consider a new man.

You sound like you're settling....

AnyF Thu 01-Sep-11 14:10:29

Don't pander to the "male ego" love

That way madness lies smile

crazzylife Thu 01-Sep-11 15:54:56

Just been reading the thread on 'great sex' and someone mentioned what it felt like when you see someone.

This is how I feel, I love to see him, thinking of being with him. I love holding him and him holding me. When I think I have to give up that feeling it's hard. Haven't felt this way for a long time about anybody.

It's probably the right thing to do but it's so hard.

Renaissance227 Thu 01-Sep-11 15:58:58

Let him go. Those red flags are waving. Sounds a lot like my ex, K.C., who was a total ****!!!!

pictish Thu 01-Sep-11 15:59:31

The problem with the seasoned liar, is that after a while they lie about just about anything, and even start to believe their own fabricated version of events.
Then when you (generic you) confront them about their untruths, they will behave as though you have mortally offended them. They will be outraged at the accusations, and leave you feeling like you are unable to confront them again without causing a massive fallout.
Liars are very defensive over their destructive little habit.

It's a childish and irresponsible way to conduct affairs, and FAR more hassle than it's worth. For both of you. Without trust or respect there is no relationship worth holding on to, and liars show disrespect and cause mistrust. What is the point if you can't believe what he says?

If he's fibbing about such trivial things this early on, then it can only gather momentum.

Please to God don't settle for this chump, for fear of being alone. Being single is great - being lied to is not.

solidgoldbrass Thu 01-Sep-11 16:07:09

Honestly, start devoting that passion and love and kindness to yourself not the first man that you set eyes on. There is so much more to life than having and maintaining a couple-relationship and the only way anyone has a happy, healthy couple relationship is by having a life before they embark on it, and a life which is maintained throughout the couple-relationship.
Yes this man is a manipulative spineless fibber by the sound of it, that's his problem, don't make it yours, bin him and move on.

LittleHousebytheRiver Thu 01-Sep-11 16:29:51

I'm going to print out sgb's post and stick it on my fridge. Those words should be foremost on every dating site and teenage advice page!
You rock, solid!

Proudnscary Thu 01-Sep-11 16:52:44

Not replying to texts + no contact + unable/unwilling to ejaculate = he's married.

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 17:18:33

That thought popped into my head too, PnS

I don't wish to be accused of being a member of the Monogamy Police Sniffer Dog Brigade, though, so happy for someone else to bring it up grin

I can, however, sniff 'em out a mile away...

AnyFucker Thu 01-Sep-11 17:19:45

There is a reason he is acting dodgy

He is dodgy

Swerve him...forget the hearts and flowers bollocks, your self-respect is worth far more

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