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Dh admitted to having a crush on a colleague.

(87 Posts)
Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 20:43:23

Would this worry you?

I totally get that it's normal to be attracted to other people and Dh and I are quite open about such things but this is the first time he has admitted to having a crush on someone.

I have noticed that he had been mentioning her name quite often and tonight after he mentioned her again I could see something in his face which made me ask him if he had a crush on her. He looked embarrassed and then admitted that he did. He then got all guilty looking and gave me a kiss.

Is this just normal? Should I be worried? Really confused.

MrsHicks Wed 31-Aug-11 20:49:32

I used to have a big crush on a colleague when I was married and I would not have done anything at all about it. I think crushes are harmless and it sounds like it is just a crush, especially as he admitted it and looked sheepish. How do you feel about it?

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 20:52:46

I feel like it's really normal and I trust Dh but at the same time I feel a bit disappointed too.

coccyx Wed 31-Aug-11 20:55:19

Why did he feel the need to tell you?

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 20:57:00

I asked him and he answered honesty. He said she had got a splinter out of his finger for him, that made me feel uncomfortable.

Aislingorla Wed 31-Aug-11 21:00:27

I think this is sad. He is your husband not your brother/friend. Finding someone attractive is normal and acceptable but admitting to a crush is worrying.
Has he said how she feels?
Best he concentrates on you really and leave crushes to the teens.

azazello Wed 31-Aug-11 21:05:09

I think my DH and I have a pretty solid marriage and still love each other etc, but both of us occasionally have 'crushes' on other people. They rarely last longer than a few weeks and the other one always knows about them and teases mercilessly. I don't have a problem with it.

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 21:05:18

I think it's made me sad too. Feel very weird and can't look at him.

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 21:06:15

Thanks azazello, very confused.

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 21:06:39

I mean I'm very confused.

Pan Wed 31-Aug-11 21:06:58

You just don't do this, without some kind of an agenda.

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 21:07:43

Do you mean I have an agenda or Dh?

PhilipJFry Wed 31-Aug-11 21:08:51

Does he know how you're feeling right now? I think it's worth discussing how it makes you feel in a calm way and talking about it some more overall.

MrsHicks Wed 31-Aug-11 21:09:06

Pan, yes actually, many people in good, faithful relationships do. Read azazello's comment above.

Pan Wed 31-Aug-11 21:10:20

sorry, dh - he isn't a teenager I presume, and he will be able to estiamte the effect this 'revalation' will have on you. He doesn't slurge anything and everything in the interest of being 'honest' s othis was chosen. Call me The World's Biggest Sceptic.

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 21:11:12

I think he does know I'm feeling weird about it. He is being overly nice and attentive.

Pan Wed 31-Aug-11 21:11:16


coccyx Wed 31-Aug-11 21:11:19

I would not like my OH saying he had a crush onsomeone he works with. why would i need to know, in fact I would feel quite hurt.
Does it make you feel jealous, unsettled, anxious?

AnyFucker Wed 31-Aug-11 21:11:59

I would feel rather unsettled by this, as if my DH told me this it would be very out of character

You don't give enough info in your posts though, for people to make an informed judgemnt in your situation

Hassled Wed 31-Aug-11 21:12:35

I think what's a bit odd/off is that he told you. Kinder to lie, don't you think? I think I'd have lied, in his shoes - on the basis that I knew it was an idle crush and that it would go away of its own accord so there was no point causing unnecessary angst.

I can see that you're feeling a bit displaced and weird - I would be. You need to talk to him, tell him how you're feeling.

AnyFucker Wed 31-Aug-11 21:12:36

Well, actually I know he has a humungous crush on Kelly Brook, but this is very different isn't it ?

Pan Wed 31-Aug-11 21:14:29

AF - we all have a crush on Kelly Brook.

AnyFucker Wed 31-Aug-11 21:15:07

Even I have a crush on Kelly Brook

Boobicca Wed 31-Aug-11 21:17:15

It does make me feel jealous and unsettled.

Dh and I have always been very open with each other and have talked in the past about how its normal to find someone else attractive even when you're in a relationship. Neither of us has ever said we had a crush on someone before though. I think I feel like that's going a little too far.

I'm a sahm with 3 children and am just recovering from a bad period of PND. At the moment I feel like I am unattractive to Dh. This makes me feel threatened.

SeniorWrangler Wed 31-Aug-11 21:18:20

My dad always used to say "Just because you've had your dinner doesn't mean you can't look at the menu". I think I'd go along with that. I have crushes all the time but it's no big deal. I never act on them and I wouldn't want to. I am sure it's the same for my DH.

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