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I love you, I love you not.....

(5 Posts)
icantstopeating Tue 30-Aug-11 21:38:38

I still mull over behaviour from my ex and try to understand it. We were split up, he would say he still wanted to be with me, I always ignored it and said it wouldn't happen, then as soon as I was sufficiently sweetened and ready to change my mind, he would go cold again. What on earth was that? Anyone had any experience of this? I didn't go back with him - thank god, but still try to get my head round some of his very strange behaviours. I did have some therapy and they suggested I was in an EA relationship - I still blame myself and seem to have some barriers up when it comes to meeting some new.

BibiBlocksberg Tue 30-Aug-11 22:26:11

Hello Op, I was going to suggest you read the help for people in an EA relationship thread. Even if you just read it , it provides immense help in recognising the awful head games played by some partners.

I'm nine months out of a relationship with ea elements and am still having my eyes opened daily which is great help for avoiding any such behaviour in the future.

Especially since your therapist suggested you'd been subjected to emotional abuse!

Come and find out about sending these tossers to the 'Far side of Fuck'


icantstopeating Tue 30-Aug-11 22:38:07

thanks Bibi, I see lots of emotional abuse from my ex but still feel it must have been my fault. Silly really. I've had a look at the EA thread, but feel I haven't suffered as badly as some and I guess still feel that I was somehow at fault. I'll have another look through. Thank you and good luck to you too.

Konchita Tue 30-Aug-11 23:24:41

It can only mean that he didn't really want to back together again. But at the same time he wanted to know that you're still there for him. Don't think it's EA, happens often after break ups.

HerHissyness Wed 31-Aug-11 00:58:28

Icantstopeating: your situation is dreadful to YOU.

Your story hurts YOU and is making YOU miserable.

There are many on there worse than my story wrt physical violence, but mental/emotional abuse is serious, it is debilitating and it will not heal all by itself.

We all go through a process (in a EA relationship) of normalising the dreadful treatment we suffer, it keeps us locked in to them. We blame ourselves, because he has told/taught us to.

You really do need to read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It'll really help you see that you didn't do this and that you get through it, and stop it happening in future.

Come over and chat, the methods we use to get through tough stuff transfer just as well to more everyday issues. Much of our discussion is about finding ways for us to be stronger.

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