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is having cyber sex cheating ?

(52 Posts)
ishouldknowbeta Sun 28-Aug-11 14:25:46

i should know better as my name change sugests
im married and have 3 kids
its not a happy marriage
i dont love him and he knows it
sex with him kaes me feel sick
so do you consider this cheating ?
bearing in mind im never likely to meet these people
btw ive only done it twice

PotteringAlong Sun 28-Aug-11 14:31:25

Yes. Sorry, but i'd be gutted.

If you want to have sex with other people, in any form, you need to leave your marriage first.

GreatNorksOfFire Sun 28-Aug-11 14:32:06

Yes, imo it is cheating. I know I wouldn't like it if I found out my partner had been having online sex with anyone. I am guessing you haven't shared this with your husband?

I sort of get why you are doing the cyber sex thing though - if you are that unhappy then it must feel like a nice escape for you.

If you aren't happy, don't love him and can't bear sex with him then I guess probably the best solution would be to end your marriage.

HerHissyness Sun 28-Aug-11 14:32:07

Yes it's cheating, it's betrayal of trust.

Your marriage is unhappy, END IT.

Don't sneak about with weirdos online having tawdry liaisons, try and think what would your DC think of you if they knew?

ishouldknowbeta Sun 28-Aug-11 14:34:06

im thinking of my kids and that is why i stay ,im not mega unhappy we rub along together,kids are secure,dh doesnt know .im not sure how he would feel about it.

ishouldknowbeta Sun 28-Aug-11 14:35:25

thing is he is not in an unhappy marriage i am

GreatNorksOfFire Sun 28-Aug-11 14:38:23

If you are that keen to continue in your marriage, how about investing some time in marriage counselling, rather than cyber sex?

PotteringAlong Sun 28-Aug-11 14:38:23

He will be when ge finds out his wife is having cyber sex without his knowledge...

Talk to the man, for God's sake! If he isn't unhappy and you are then you need to work out why. Relate, counselling, going out and not talking about the kids. That will make your life better, not a furtive orgasm at a computer

PotteringAlong Sun 28-Aug-11 14:38:59

X-post with norks!

GreatNorksOfFire Sun 28-Aug-11 14:40:54

Pottering, look at the time we posted! grin

Seriously, beta, get to the core of your problems with your marriage rather than doing things to harm it further.

ishouldknowbeta Sun 28-Aug-11 14:44:16

i know why things have gone worng -he does too
we split a few years ago as he had a massive gambling problem that caused finanicail ruin for me -i cant forgive that ,also personal hygene is awful ,it cant stomach it anymore ,14 years and he still doesnt get it !

GreatNorksOfFire Sun 28-Aug-11 14:46:18

How old are your children?

What do you think they get out of seeing an unhappy relationship between their parents?

PotteringAlong Sun 28-Aug-11 14:47:34

That's quite cool norks grin

Beta, so how have you tried to fix it? Because it's fine saying what he's done but you're the one who's cheating at the moment. He might know where it started to go wrong but if he thinks it's sorted you need to talk done more

callmemalcolm Sun 28-Aug-11 14:49:25

I can't imagine having cyber sex and not roffling with horror at myself.

ishouldknowbeta Sun 28-Aug-11 14:51:11

well he went on a course to stop gambling ,we decided we would talk to each other more but im fed up he wont and cant change ,im young i dont want to spend the rest of my life like this but by the same token im too cowardly to be a single parent
kids are 13,10 and 5

callmemalcolm Sun 28-Aug-11 14:52:41

What do you SAY though when you cyber sex.?

"ooh what a big one"?
Is it just like a phone sex line. And you both wank?


ishouldknowbeta Sun 28-Aug-11 14:52:59

the kids dont know im unhappy - im a good actor !

callmemalcolm Sun 28-Aug-11 14:54:51

You must be to be sexy on your cyber sexing surely. Or do you watch waste sees with the subtitles on?

GreatNorksOfFire Sun 28-Aug-11 15:00:06

Some people have no choice other than to be a single parent beta, there is nothing particularly brave or cowardly about it - you just have to get on with it. And you wouldn't be a single parent - there is no reason that your H could not remain an active parent and part of your children's lives (or at least not from what you have said thus far).

I would have been horrified to learn that my mother was so unhappy with my father that she resorted to having online sex with strangers - having no idea who it was wanking at the other end of the computer - but that she stayed with him because of us.

Would you consider relate/counselling? You haven't said.

callmemalcolm Sun 28-Aug-11 15:06:20

I want a How To guide to cyber sex files nails

scaredlady Sun 28-Aug-11 15:13:57

I'll get shot down but I don't think it's cheating. Your kids are unlikely to find out, I don't think you should feel guilty on their behalf. They won't know any more than they will know about your sex life (or lack of it) with your husband.

Sounds to me like you are doing what you need to in order to get through. Personal hygiene issues? No wonder you favour virtual sex.

A lot of people on here are really judgemental. And worried their husbands are at it, of course.

ishouldknowbeta Sun 28-Aug-11 15:27:26

thankyou scaredlady i think your right ,at least im not cheating in "real life"
i dont want to go to relate - what can they do ,de smell him ?
its way past that now

GwendolineMaryLacey Sun 28-Aug-11 15:32:25

A lot of people on here are really judgemental. And worried their husbands are at it, of course

Wow, one hell of a lot of assumptions just because you're in the minority. hmm Sexual involvement with anyone else outside of your relationship is cheating. And if the children not finding out is the sole criteria for misbehaving then that opens up a whole load of other pastimes. What a strange moral code to live your life by.

MmeLindor. Sun 28-Aug-11 15:36:49

I presume you have talked to your husband about his hygiene issues? Has he made any attempt to improve on this?

It is cheating.

It is cheating him, and it is cheating you of a healthy and happy relationship.

Don't you both deserve more than this?

And don't think for one minute that your DC will not have sensed this.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Sun 28-Aug-11 15:37:23

I'm currently single but if I was married/in a LTR and I found out my DH/P was having cyber sex then I'd divorce him. It's cheating, as is having an emotional affair, which also doesn't involve anything physical.

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