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Relationships

Got married a week ago - we are no longer speaking to each other

341 replies

RockinSockBunnies · 28/08/2011 09:21

I don't know if I'm being a bitch, or if DH is being unreasonable, or if things will improve. I'm so miserable right now and have no idea how to deal with everything. Apologies as this is going to be long.

So, got married to DP last weekend abroad, in his home country (don't want to say where as will out myself even more). He is from this country but has been in England for 12 years. I have a 10 year old DD, he has an 8 year old DS. We live in England but are currently staying at his sister's house, with her family, his mother and our children.

We got married here to save on costs - it would have been way more expensive getting married in England than here, and we wanted a low-key, family ceremony. My mother came over for the wedding, his family and a number of friends came from other areas of the country we're in. Most guests were all from his side.

So, I'd never met his sister before, nor stayed at her house. My mother, who is in her 70s and is beginning to suffer from memory problems caused by strokes came out here, not knowing anyone other than us. She paid for our flights as a wedding gift, contributed towards lots of other things and paid for her flights too (well over a thousand pounds).

DH's sister had done all the organisation - we had communicated before coming out by phone and email. I'd said we had very little money and had tried to reiterate that we wanted things to be simple. DH's father had said he's pay for the Reception.

Anyhow, first few days here were hectic - I'd been booked in for hair, nails, facial etc (none of which I'd asked for but person doing it was a friend of DH's sister so I didn't question it). Ceremony itself was lovely. Then things have gone rapidly downhill since.

My mother (who was only here for a week, for the wedding) hates sitting around doing nothing - she likes to be active, going to places, doing things (gardening, doing dishes - anything at all, rather than sitting around). Nonetheless , she fell in with plans, tried to be cheerful. DH's family organised endless socialising - lots of food, drink, BBQs etc. Anyway, on the Tuesday I'm presented with an invoice from DH's sister for a significant amount that was totally unexpected. I'd thought that DH's dad was paying for the Reception - turns out that this covered just a meal and no alcohol, snacks or anything like that. Then I'd been billed for facials, pedicures etc that I'd not wanted.

I asked DH to check about Reception costs - he refused. All week he's been doing whatever his sister or mother have suggested and has ignored anything I've wanted to do. I spoke to my mother about the invoice and I was very upset as the costs were totally over what I'd expected to pay - there had been no warning that we were suddenly going to be thousands of pounds out of pocket. DH's sister then called me into her room, since she saw I was upset, and then proceeded to lecture me, shout at me and say that my attitude was 'sickening' when I said that I thought her father was paying for Reception (which in my understanding would be food and drinks for the day following the ceremony). DH took his sister's side in all of this. My mother and I were in tears for the evening and my mother then flew back the next day as planned. My mother told DH's sister that she would cover the costs when she got back to England. In the meantime, DH wrote a cheque to his sister covering the amount, from money in his bank account that had been set aside to pay off the cost of my engagement ring. So, essentially, I'm now contributing towards the cost of my ring from our UK joint account.

The rest of the week has been fairly fraught. I'm in a house with all of DH's family and only my DD from my side. DH's son is autistic so being around him 24/7 is difficult - at home he's with his mother half the time or at school, so easier to deal with. DH has been telling me to get my mother to pay the money. I asked why it was my mother that should pay and not his father. He said that my mother had got off 'pretty lightly' in terms of costs and that she should pay. I disagree.

To make matters worse, all his family and I and DD are off together for our 'honeymoon' that his mother has organised. This is her gift to us. Frankly, and I may be being a totally ungrateful bitch here, I can think of nothing less 'honeymoon' like than being with his family and our children for four days in the same place, sharing a room with the children.

All I want to do is go back to England but of course have to stick it out. I hate that DH hasn't supported me in any of this and that he's being so horrible to my mother, who's given us so much, is suffering from the effects of mini-strokes, who flew all the way here to celebrate and is being kicked in the teeth for it. DH is out with his family now and I'm at home, avoiding everyone and feeling totally miserable. I can't see the woods for the trees, am utterly fed up, tearful and wondering how the hell things go from here. I have no idea if things can be salvaged. I just feel like a complete failure.

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neuroticmumof3 · 28/08/2011 09:25

I haven't got any amazing advice but didn't want to read and run. Sounds like a nightmare situation to me esp the honeymoon. Sooner you get back to your life in UK the better. I think it's really cheeky to have charged you for things unexpectedly, especially after you get telling them to keep it simple and low cost.