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Envy...

(10 Posts)
Daydreaming Sat 27-Aug-11 19:45:15

This is a bit of a self-indulgent "feeling sorry for myself" post, so I apologise in advance. I just need some sympathy and maybe for some of you to tell me to get over myself!!!

Basically, I had lunch today with a friend I had not seen for a few weeks. I had been looking forward to catching up with her and it was a really lovely few hours we spent together. BUT I came home feeling quite down - simply because I guess I am a bit envious of her. Nothing to do with her - it's all my problem.

I am in my late late 30s, a lone parent who has been alone for 5 years. I have quite a good professional job, but I am unlikely to advance much more in my career because of choices I have made - mainly to do with having to juggle working and being a parent to a small child. My friend is at a very different stage in her life - she is eight years younger, advancing in her career, and there is always something happening in her romantic life...

Anyway, vent over, but I am just feeling a bit down, and I know that how I feel is very much to do with the fact that hearing about all the exciting things that my friend has been up to has stirred all my insecurities and dissatisfaction with how my life has turned out. I suppose I have never got over my ex-h leaving me... sad

catwalker Sat 27-Aug-11 20:10:36

You are still so young! Your life hasn't 'turned out' yet - there's loads of time for a career change, romance etc etc. I remember when I was single in my early thirties and enjoying my fair share of male attention, all I really wanted was to be a mum - I bet your friend's feeling envious of you!

wannabefree Sat 27-Aug-11 20:24:30

Right, my lovely, there is no reason why you can't start carving out a life for yourself that others looking on would be envious of.

Does your ex help out with childcare at all? Is there somebody that could have the DC for you sometimes so that you can start getting out/meeting people?

I separated from my ex a year ago and my life is unrecognisable now from how it was a year ago. I admit I still am not completely over XH leaving, but I've thrown myself into widening my social circle. The thing that started the ball rolling was my telling myself that I would accept every single invitation I receive, even if I didn't feel like it. Even if it turns out that I can't go due to lack of childcare or some other reason, I would try my hardest to be able to go. This led to me going out and eventually meeting more people.To start with, I didn't even want to go, because I wasn't used to going out. Now I have a good circle of friends I know I can count on.

I volunteer to have other people's friends over. This has the advantage of entertaining your own kids and also making the mum of the other kid grateful to you/ more likely to return the invitation. It doesn't always work, but you just have to keep at it.

People keep telling me what a charmed life I lead. Its actually given me the impression that a helluva lot of people in relationships are living humdrum lives (don't jump on me, people...just my opinion!.)

PM me if you want smile

wicketkeeper Sat 27-Aug-11 21:36:46

It's all about the spin you put on it.

Try this - you're not 'alone', you're independent. You're not in 'quite a good professional job', you're in a good professional job. You're not 'unlikely to advance much more', you're taking a break from the rat race to concentrate on raising your child. You're not in your 'late late 30's', you're still in your 30's (and trust me, that's not anywhere near old enough to be worried about it).

So, how do you feel about being young, independent, professional Ms Daydream who is taking a break from the rat race to concentrate on raising her child. She sounds pretty together and sorted to me. And children aren't little for ever, there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

HowlingBitch Sat 27-Aug-11 21:55:05

You sound like your doing fine to me! but there is no harm in feeling some envy time to time, That makes you human smile

Remember the grass is always greener and keep smiling!

how do you feel about being young, independent, professional Ms Daydream who is taking a break from the rat race to concentrate on raising her child. She sounds pretty together and sorted to me. And children aren't little for ever, there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

Here, here!

HowlingBitch Sat 27-Aug-11 21:55:47

Actually reading that I'm quite envy of you! grin

Hassled Sat 27-Aug-11 21:58:09

Blimey - you're young, you're doing well and you're doing well as a single parent. In my young single parent days I was barely keeping my head above water. You should be bloody proud of yourself.
And it gets easier. Really, it does.

roses2 Sat 27-Aug-11 22:10:22

She's single with no kids and no man

Why are you envious? She is probably the same of you! All she probably hears is the tick rock of her biological clock

Daydreaming Sat 27-Aug-11 22:57:29

Thank you so much for reading and responding with your wise words!
I know that everything you have said is true... It's very helpful to hear it from other people.
Right, no more feeling sorry for myself. smile

SirSugar Sat 27-Aug-11 23:38:17

google Grandma Moses - a self taught successful artist who began her career at an advanced age! Inspirational stuff.

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