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Sexual misshaps......(23 Posts)
Come on be brave! Once a few years ago while an ex partner an i were 'doing the wildthing' in a single bed hands braced on either side of bed 'on top' when things turned up a gear one hand slipped off the side of bed my weight fell fully forward and head butted soon to blow partner straight in the face! Needless to say mood killed and session ended. Have you had any funny or embarrassing misshaps in the bedroom or anywhere sex has taken place?
I fell asleep mid shag once. No reflection on his performance but I had been awake for a long time and was a bit drunk. Apparently my snoring alerted him to the fact that I may not be putting my all into it
I once kicked a guy in the face 4 times - that'll teach him to suggest a bit of 69!
I once switched on the bedside lamp at the wall socket with my head, mid-orgasm. Due to writhing, etc. My then boyfriend tried to smother his giggles but I totally lost the mood once I heard him laughing and never quite forgave him.
Was having car sex with my soon to be H (now ex). We got out of the car to straighten ourselves out, do our clothes up etc when stb exH realised he couldn't find the condom. We searched all over the place but it was no where to be seen. It was actually trapped in the back of my tights, stuck to my calf muscle. We'd been in the pub and I went home to my parents before I found the missing article. God knows if anyone saw it but I'm guessing they probably did!!
A girl was once sitting on my face at the top of the bed (no headboard) and I was sort of rocking her rhythmically, with my hands on her ass. I got a bit carried away and accidentally bashed her head against the wall. We were a little drunk, but not terribly. Needless to say it was a mood killer.
When DF and I had only been together for a couple of months we were a bit
pissed tipsy I had just given him the BJ of his life and I sat up from inbetween his legs all seductively and didnt realise I was so near the edge of the bed and... yep you guessed it, I rolled off backwards, legs akimbo . Didn't ruin the mood though, we carried on DTD after 15 mins of pissing ourselfs with laughter.
One man I slept with decided to slap my thighs and shout "who's the daddy" to the build up of his orgasm. Safe to say I never saw him again
I actually thought this might have been triggered by the SLobbergate thread. After all, anyone can have an amusing-in-retrospect sexual mishap, whether that's farting in a partner's face mid 69 or the one-night-stand who likes to shout 'Here comes the puffer train!' at the moment of orgasm.
where to start?
ok, these were all with my ex;
1) shagging in his car down a country lane and heard shouts of "quick, move your car". looked up and there was a herd of cows running towards the car. not enough time for us to move the car so we had to wait while the cows surrounded us, jumping across the bonnet and causing several hundred pounds worth of damage to his car.
2) shaging in mycar this time, threw the condom out through the back window and went home. next morning my mum informed me that while she was happy tht i as being careful,she would rather not see the evidence attatched to the back panel of my car at 8 am on a sunday morning (irish catholic)
3) whilst being a bit over enthusiastic one time, my ex suddenly yelled out in pain. he pulled his penis out and it was covered in blood. he had over exerted himself and snapped the little stringy bit on his knob.
4) whilst shagging in stillettos i tried to change position and caught my ex's thigh with my heel. huge cut right across his leg. the scar is still visible.
5) at a nightclub with friends. EX asked for friend's car keys to put his jacket out. of course i went with him and we got busy only to be rudely disturbed whilst i was mid bounce by another friend knocking on the window. we looked out and the whole crowd we had travelled with were standing watching.
6) same night, i as giving EX a blowjob in the toilets of the club and was very drunk. i bit him, very hard it turns out and the next day he ha a massive purple bruie on his penis. i had totally forgotten that i did it and accused him ofseeing someone else.
that's all i can think of now. i know there are more.
I was very tired, and we went out, not long into our relationship. It was a major night out, lots of drink, it was a family thing......I fell asleep.
I've also kicked him in the head before now.......
We got married, still are!
Was about to post mine when realised it is number three on booyhoo's list!
Me and dh were enjoying a bit of 'afternoon love' one day and suddenly the talking Buzz Lightyear toy in the box on top of the wardrobe started running through its repertoire! (one of the other toys must have fallen on top of the button).
"This is Buzz Lightyear, I come in peace" etc.
We stopped and were totally stunned. Then, we laughed so much that I wet myself!
We got caught by FIL when he let himself into boyfriends flat . I was on top of bf on the couch when we heard him let himself in with the spare key.
I've had more than one incident of 'Sorry, have to stop, going to be sick'. I would like to emphasise that it's about a 50-50 split between it being me that was going to be sick or the other participant (ie I am not so revolting a shag that anyone who does me throws up during or anything).
Wow booy! Any more?
I'm not sure I have any...... <boring old fart>
the only other one i can think of was on holiday in july. met a group of welsh lads who were staying at our hotel, we went out with them and i went back to hotel early with one of them. my cousin took his friend back to our room and after the quickest shag in history she got dressed and went down tosleep in reception leaving him in our room. she informed me in the morning that she and every single person that passed through reception heard every moan and shriek that i made. i was on the first floor. to top it all off, i had been wearing fake tan and it had run with the er juices that i produced from my fanny whilst shagging leaving a lovely brown stain on the bedsheet. the lad's friends kindly pointed it out to me the following evening. again. i maintain that he should have had his sheets changed by housekeeping.
The first time dh and I had sex, he headbutted me as he orgasmed. Twas very hard to explain away the black eye.
I managed to damage my back when dh and I had sex in a shower; even worse, we were at work, and I had to stand in the hospital waiting area in full uniform (police)
I was giving dh a blow job when a spider crawled up my leg I hate spiders!
During a romantic 'picnic' in a field, had to explain ourselves to the Essex Constabulary. Ahem! Apparently 'twas a privately owned field.
One particularly vigorous session before DH became H, at his shared flat, his flatmate came home unexpectedly, and turned the light on in the room just as I was reaching the ultimate moment. As my eyes were closed and my head suddenly filled with light, I thought DH had excelled himself. When I 'came to' (no pun intended) the realization hit that the flat mate had probably witnessed me in the throes. DH and I moved in together in our own - private- flat soon after.
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