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Lightbulb moment re. self-blame

(13 Posts)
BibiBlocksberg Fri 26-Aug-11 12:26:49

I’ve just realised (at the grand old age of 36) that I don’t HAVE to take full blame & responsibility for every single mistake I make in life and then afterwards ‘flog’ myself so it feels I’ve done some sort of ‘penance’ – or waiting for some sort of punishment to be dished out from whoever has been affected by my error.

The lightbulb moment came today after a work meeting about an error I made which could easily have been avoided.

And nobody would let me take all of the blame (the bastards smile)

No wonder I ended up with the relationships (men) that I did - I was desperate to be punished and they were happy to provide it (sounds s&m but you know what mean, hopefully)

‘Normal’ people don’t have an overwhelming need to be punished for every mistake they ever make – do they??

garlicnutter Fri 26-Aug-11 12:44:15

No, they don't. It took me even longer to work that one out!!
With hindsight, it made me a bit too harsh on other people's mistakes, too.

Well done, you smile That'll make life quite a bit pleasanter, won't it?

Katisha Fri 26-Aug-11 12:53:31

How's it going with the monosyllabic boss Bibi?

BibiBlocksberg Fri 26-Aug-11 16:01:34

"That'll make life quite a bit pleasanter, won't it?"

Mmh, yes, it should do once I've properly thought this through. I have been very very harsh on my own mistakes and similar with others error's as well like you say Garlic blush

"How's it going with the monosyllabic boss Bibi?"

He's just back from a two week holiday so fairly well disposed towards me. We'll see if it lasts smile

Katisha Fri 26-Aug-11 16:23:23

And are you taking Proper Lunch Breaks?

BibiBlocksberg Fri 26-Aug-11 17:10:01

Sorry, manic here - no to lunch breaks, all sorts of heart rending reasons including v lazy part-time colleagues, late post, deadlines, yadda yadda yadda.

I'm still doing myself over basically.

Quodlibet Fri 26-Aug-11 17:15:04

As a good friend of mine once said, 'yes, OK, recognise you've made mistakes. But don't then take those mistakes and cram them repeatedly into your eyes until you bleed'. Made me laugh but he's got a point.

Katisha Fri 26-Aug-11 17:18:17

OK next challenge for the New Improved Bibi.
Tackle the lazy part-timers - you can't be picking up their work for them surely?

<nag nag nag>

BibiBlocksberg Fri 26-Aug-11 18:58:12

<can't hear herself think over the nagging> grin

That made me laugh, Quadlibet - that's exactly what I do/did - lots of bleeding eyes in my lifetime.

Some of my colleagues in other jobs used to joke they were going to buy me a cat o' ninetails to whip myself with after every mistake.

Yep, the part-timer (only 1, four hours per day 5 days a week) is a shirker.

Nasty thing to say but it's true. I get the impression she's mainly there to ensure she gets her meals eaten for the day (from the minute she sits down it's pshhht with the drinks cans, clanking pates and cutlery, munch chomp, munch, crunch)

She has been assigned a certain tiny part of the job and that's all she seems to want to do. Anything else I've shown her/trained her on to share the load is done badly, with loads of errors forcing me to check check check and re-do, re-explain time and again (and it's re-done just as badly the second and third time)

Sometimes I wonder whether it's deliberate so that I don't ask again.

Add to that a ton of sickness and holidays and yes I do end up doing the work myself.

Can't be very pleasant for her to suddenly have another 'boss' but what I'm trying to do has been sanctioned by Mr Monosyllable so am not overstepping my remit as it were.

Bitch, bitch, bitch - doesn't help my overall motivation levels to take a break though.

<ooh, it does feel good to get that out though, thanks> smile

abbscrosswoman Fri 26-Aug-11 19:20:20

Assuming you have made it clear to the part-timer that their 'laziness' and inability to do the job properly is unacceptable, why have you not let her go ?

BibiBlocksberg Fri 26-Aug-11 19:23:59

God no, that would be classed as well out of order to be so direct. Plus she's worked there a long time (in another section) and is friends with the boss.

<groan> what a fool I really am.

Katisha Fri 26-Aug-11 19:27:38

Seen anything else to apply for yet?

Anyway, 'tis friday night. Join me in some wine

Cheers!

BibiBlocksberg Fri 26-Aug-11 19:33:20

Cheers indeed, I'm going to out myself if I do much more bitching about work anyway.

wine wine wine oblivion by 7.45pm smile

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