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Don't know what to do...

(5 Posts)
Atwaroverscrabble Thu 25-Aug-11 21:20:04

ok, i have had a few problems with dh and posted about them on here... He's not violent, hasnt cheated but is an inherently selfish lazy man, drinks too much/often and never admits he is in the wrong...

I have been trying to sort our dining room/my study (im supposed to work from home) for dsd (16) to move in to do 6th form here... Thats been a nightmare, she applied months too late but got offered a place doing random a levels but today her gcse results aren't good enough and dh is pretty pissed off with her and has been saying she was lazy etc... I have been trying to be positive and jut emphasising that she needs to call them today/tomorrow as they may be able to do something...

Anyway, i had arrranged to pick up a large wardrobe through freecycle today so i went and got it with ds(12) and dd(21 month) and once dd was asleep i said i needed to bring it in so i had a clear car for tomorrow and dh started moaning and whinging at me saying i never relax to which i said i dont have time and that i jjust needed to bring this in ... He stayed sat on the sofa and saw me struggle so after bringing in 2 of the 10-12 ft pieces i asked him to help, he huffed and puffed and came out and then started moaning at me doing so much to which i am afraid i replied by repeating what he had said about dsd, namely that perhaps dsd had relaxed too much instead of studying!

He slammed down the wardrobe bit and stormed off saying i was a complete bitch! I brought the rest in and then went to see him and basically he ranted at me saying i was out of order and a complete bitch..

I had had enough so i told him we were over and he can piss off and find somewhere else to live and i went upstairs

He carried on shouting and telling me i was a bitch and that i obviously didnt like dsd which is total crap so i started packing his bags and took them downstairs

He brought them back up and threw them across the room and demanded i unpack them, saying why should he leave etc etc

I have to admit i did unpack them and then went down to apologise for the comment about dsd , he jept on saying i was a bitch etc and that if i want he will leave but in 2-3 weeks when he can sort somewhere to live

I'm torn.... I don't want to live like this but not not sure if i want him to leave....

The added complication is that he is due to transfer my much needed housekeeping tomorrow and now i am not sure if he will so won't be able to pay rent/gas/electric/childcare etc! What do i do??

lazarusb Thu 25-Aug-11 21:38:18

Ouch! Rough day. Have you considered him leaving (seriously) before? If you are, then do some research into what you could be entitled to as a lone parent financially. If he doesn't give you your housekeeping won't he be suffering too?
Sounds like your resentment has built over a long time and today it hit the wall...have you sat him down and asked him why he doesn't pull his weight in your home, or is he just not that bothered about you being happy?

Atwaroverscrabble Thu 25-Aug-11 21:40:18

I have and about a month ago i told him i had had enough and he promised to be less selfish etc... We are arguing several times a month and i am sick of it....

Atwaroverscrabble Thu 25-Aug-11 21:45:10

I'm on a funded phd, about 7-8 months left and know i'd get some help financially, and i am not worried for after but we have minimal childcare because of the cost and dh is supposed to be looking after dd more so i can work but moans about getting up before 9am if hes working 2-9:30pm and over the past two weeks has gone to the pub for at least 2 pints on all but 4 days..... I am so fed up

lazarusb Thu 25-Aug-11 22:26:38

I would be too....he sounds very selfish and not looking at the long term at all. sad No, actually I'm angry for you! Maybe start exploring some alternative childcare options you haven't considered yet? If he isn't willing to help I'd pull the rug out from under him sharpish.

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