'we both deserve to be happy separately' or 'I'll put up with anything because of my children'

[cheesesarnie]

when my parents seperate when i was a teen i was happy as they werent well suited and were much nicer apart but in my marriage i put up and get on with it for the dc.

whats your views?
this isnt a should i leave blah blah blah.been there,done that,ignored advice!just wondered what other peoples views were.

[zookeeper]

there's another alternative; that you stay together unhappily and your children suffer as a consequence.

[cheesesarnie]

is that not in the stay together because the children?

[zookeeper]

No. You are saying that saying together is best for the children. I'm not sure that's true. Are children better off if their parents stay together in an unhappy relationship? I don't think so.

[zookeeper]

I'm not saying this to preach, Cheesesarnie, I separated from my ex dp because we are arguing so much I felt I had to for the sake of the dcs who were living in an atmosphere of thinly veiled hostility.I had to weigh up whether that was worse for them than the trauma of their parents separating? IME it was worth it for all of us. Maybe when the're adults I'll know for sure

[Hardgoing]

Depends what 'staying together for the children' is actually like. Splitting up families can be devastating and traumatic at the time, but fine afterwards. My parents split when I was older (late teens) and I thank god my mum had a second chance of happiness, my dad is the same as he always was and I think she had a lucky escape!

[cheesesarnie]

its fine zoo,didnt take it as preachingthis is why i asked.different opinions etc

[lazarusb]

My parents split when I was 11, it was VERY acrimonious - my Mum had been having an affair with my Dad's friend for 3 years! It was horrible for several years but as I grew up I realised that they were both better off apart (and even wondered why they had got together in the first place). The breakdown of their relationship had been kept away from us so it was a huge shock but the tension had been palpable...

I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years and left my ex when ds1 was 5. There were people who told me I had 'made my bed' and should put up with it, also people who criticised me for taking ds away from his dad. Ds has suffered from a lot of the poison his Dad spouted but there is no doubt in either of our heads that we have BOTH had a much better life since the split.

So... I am saying that if you are really unhappy, don't ever put up with second best because, although life can be difficult and challenging, it's so much better than feeling trapped and miserable.You only get one life.